Jokes / Joke du jour!

Surely somebody's going to do the cheeses of Nazareth joke.

Not the one about the baby cheesus?

Biblical cheese references go right back to Edam and Eve.

Just watched a documentary on marijuana.

I think thats how I'm going watch all documentaries from now on

How do you approach a Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly...

I went to view a house with period features.
My wife hates me calling her that.

That joke is
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Periodic.

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I got a bit of indigestion after all that cheese
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But I'm fine now so let's play le roule-ette one more time ....
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What cheese do pirates prefer ?
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chedd-aaaaaaaargh

Your wives and girlfriends might prefer this one
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I went for a tour of the tampax factory the other day
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It was a beautiful building with lots of period features

reminds me of an old mate 'Shagger' Smith. I mean what a great nickname to have. We all thought it was great.

She hated it.

Or that time I entered a Marathon.

I got peanuts all over my knob.

(you have to be of a certain age to get that one).

Where's @snottyotter??
He'll have a great period features joke

Ha! Amazing

lol

Ah, I thought I'd done it once already on here. Clearly I was wrong.

Old People hording potatoes in outdated measurements?

Is this the Telegraph or Viz?

Reminds me of a shooting type of chap I met in Norfolk. He was there to bag some Pink Footed geese for the pot.
I asked if he thought canada geese were worth eating. He said they were, but you had to faff about preparing them first so he didn't bother, pink footed geese needed no such prep.
I asked him what he meant, and he said that you had to wrap the dead canada goose in a hessian sack and bury it for a few days.
"what do you do with it then?" I asked
"Dig it up, unwrap it, throw it away and eat the sack"

hahaha

The Norwegian Navy place bar codes on their ships, so when they come back to port they can Scandinavyin.

Ate a Yorkie this morning. That's the last time I'll get invited to Crufts.

Two unintentional funnies my soon to be ex-wife said yesterday and today.
I mentioned a twat at work who was driving me back to the workshop. He wanted to pop home to get his mask so he could go shopping. I said that we hadn't got time and I'd give him a mask. He said "Oh no, it's a Stormtrooper mask, the shopkeeper loves it".
My wife said " Is he living on a different planet?"

Today there was a strange noise outside. She said " That's sound like a young goat."
"Oh no , it's a kid"

I was watching an Australian cookery show and the audience clapped when the chef made pavlova.
I was surprised, as Australians normally boo meringue.

Ha!

I thought I'd lost interest in that joke halfway through but it came back at the end.