Jokes / Joke du jour!

That made me guffaw.

I think one of the original versions of that joke was ...
Village policeman approaches village idiot who is modelling a human figure from a turd.
Ha ! says the village policeman - " is that a model of me ? "
"No " says the village idiot - "there isn't enough of it "

something like that

you should do stand up

Humour in being subjective shocker.

First time I heard it my mate slayed a room of about 25 with his delivery of the punchline

Fair play. I bet Farage found that hard to follow!

Not even close, keep on projecting though

Your projecting.

*ur

Mesopotamian cities thread >>>>>>

Hehehe!

Similar to the modified version of

"What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?"

"Genocide"

I’m trying to give up chocolate but I keep falling off the Wagon Wheels.

Just thought of that now...where can I submit Christmas cracker jokes?

Hopefully not a repost but it made me chuckle amidst a stressful day:
Three men die on Christmas Eve and are greeted by St Peter at the gates of heaven, who says 'Welcome chaps. Before you enter Heaven, you must show me something that represents Christmas.'
The first man fishes out his lighter and says 'Here's a Christmas candle'. St Peter let's him pass.
The second man jingles his keys and declares 'Hear my sleigh bells'. St Peter let's him pass.
The third man pulls out a thong and bra from his pocket. St Peter asks quizzically 'How does these items represent Christmas my good man?'.
The man exclaims 'They're Carols'

That is terrible .

How did they die ?

I’m sorry but it doesn’t work I’m afraid. If you were trying to give up chocolate you wouldn’t be on a wagon wheel. Needs more work. You’re just going to ruin everyone’s Christmas with that. It would create all sorts of confusion and generally wouldn’t be good for the mood. Especially from a Christmas cracker just when everyone is indulging.

(Mince pie)ron Maiden I believe.

They were sleighn

^better

batter

fixed

They were Slade

^ Yes!

Stolen,,,,
My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.

Anyone know what that word ‘delegate’ means?

Asking for a friend.

Fahrenheit or Celsius?

Plenipotentiary.