Jokes / Joke du jour!

Ha!

lol

Wut?

Vincent Van Gogh was standing at the corner of the bar in his local pub when his mate Rembrandt walked in.
"Fancy a Whiskey, Van Goghy?" called out Rembrandt.
"No, its okay", said Van Gogh, "I've got one ear."

:)

Blame my colleague.

A man with a piece of ham on his head - ahmed
A man with two pieces of ham on his head - Muhammad
A man with two pieces of ham on his head standing between two houses - Muhammad Ali

A man with two pieces of ham on his head and parkinsons? Sheikh Muhammad

Ha.

A man with two pieces of ham on his head and parkinsons? Sheikh Muhammad

A man with two pieces of ham on his head, parkinsons and a small sick sheep? Sheikh Muhammad Islamabad.

Vincent Van Gogh was standing at the corner of the bar in his local pub when his mate Rembrandt walked in.
"Fancy a Whiskey, Van Goghy?" called out Rembrandt.
"No, its okay", said Van Gogh, "I've got one ear."

Rep added.

Boston being blown up is long overdue - I really hate More than a Feeling......

Vincent Van Gogh was standing at the corner of the bar in his local pub when his mate Rembrandt walked in.
"Fancy a Whiskey, Van Goghy?" called out Rembrandt.
"No, its okay", said Van Gogh, "I've got one ear."

This had better be one of them non-famous Rembrandts because dear Goghy was born nearly 200 years after Rembrandt-the-famous.
#PedantsLikeHistoricallyAccurateJokes
#WaitingMuphry'sLaw

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to gather the nerves to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" the woman replied, "NO! Now fuck off!" The tramp turns around and leaves with, "fine, i'll just go and wait at the bottom."

^^ chuckle

I like gauche jokes though. Though this one may have taken more than one left turn.

I saw Michael J Fox at the garden centre the other day.
I found it hard to tell though, because he had his back to the fuchsias

Oh dear.

Is Frankie Boyle posting here as WjPrince?

It's not a dark joke contest...or is it?

Nah, Frankie Boyle would have said:
"I saw Michael J Fox at the garden centre the other day.
I found it hard to tell though, because he had his back to the fuchsias while I was in a bush masturbating."

LOL true :)

My tested and found working jokes are all half a mile long unfortunately. At least I don't forget the punch lines...it's usually the start. If youse don't mind one that needs a bit of reading I shall post the two builders having lunch on a tower one.

Two little boys had two little toys; pity one of them wasn't a rape alarm and the other, mace...

Q: how do the French defend Paris?
A: nobody knows, it's never been tried

Disclaimer: I have a French partner. His joke revenge may come upon me soon

Two little boys had two little toys; pity one of them wasn't a rape alarm and the other, mace...

Rep...

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to gather the nerves to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?" the woman replied, "NO! Now fuck off!" The tramp turns around and leaves with, "fine, i'll just go and wait at the bottom."

Love it

I was lying in bed last night when i thought, "I really should stop lying to myself in bed..."