Jokes / Joke du jour!

The Tesco scandal has now moved into B&Q.

Their wood flooring had lamb in it.

The Government has revised estimates for Bulgarian & Romanian immigration after it emerged that we've eaten all their transport.

Had a job interview the other day:

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"...I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."

even later to the party

In connection with the recent murder of a south African model, police have confirmed the arrest of a sawn off man with a shotgun.

He wanted a new bathroom door, but she was dead against it

Got any horse jokes to go with those?

what does oliver pisotorous have in common with your average horse?

they both need a hammer to change their shoes

The tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius had no arms, this would never have happened

Frankie Boyle

never afraid to wade in is he
rude insulting derogatory humour ..... it's the best isn't it !

Especially combined with clever wordplay.

what does oliver pisotorous have in common with your average horse?

they both need a hammer to change their shoes
Oscar Pistorius?

haha. D'oh

guess theres nothing they have in common then

you know oliver do you?

he does love his bolognese

horses get shot when they break their legs

he does love his bolognese

bolognese loves him as well though

Now, what does food have in common with sex?

No matter how good is your favourite dish, if served every day first or later will give you the nausea.

Got any horse jokes to go with those?

Ne.... no I cant

Now, what does food have in common with sex?

No matter how good is your favourite dish, if served every day first or later will give you the nausea.

Now, what does food have in common with sex?

No matter how good is your favourite dish, if served every day first or later will give you the nausea.

So Pistorius got bail. That will go well with his cricket bat and stumps.

Had a job interview the other day:

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"...I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Best, Joke. Evar. Stolen. Repped.

Ne.... no I canter

.

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be
£10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari then?

A Frenchman's trousers are either Toulon or Toulouse! @JeremyJacobs

"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.

Then I realised that was in bad taste.

Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?