Jokes / Joke du jour!

possibly my highlight of the thread so far.

Oh Micky you do crack me up!

@mmcarthy - must spread rep!

Heard some belters today:

A man goes to his doctor.
Doctor: I don't really know how to tell you this, but you've simply got to stop masturbating.
Man: Why?!
Doctor: So I can examine you!

An old Jewish man goes to the toilet in the night and leaves the seat up. His wife goes to the toilet after him, in the dark, and falls right into the toilet. She calls out to him - he tries to pull her out, but she's stuck. He calls a plumber, the plumber knocks on the door and is let into the house. The lady grabs the closest thing to hand to cover her modesty. The plumber walks in and sees the lady stuck in the toilet holding a yarmulke over her groin - the plumber says "Yeah, I can get your wife out fine, but the Rabbi I can't help you with".

What's got two legs and kills women?

The Pistorious brothers.

I named my band 1023MB.
We haven't got a gig yet.

I named my band 1023MB.
We haven't got a gig yet.

You've corrected today Popbitch i see.

You've corrected today's Popbitch I see.

Now I've corrected you.

Without doubt, my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

hehe

^^^ that more than a gig though (LMAO anyway though

Lol

^ that's funny because it's not true...

A man goes to the doctor

Doctor : "What seems to be the trouble?"
Man : "Well it's a little embarrassing."
Doctor : "There isn't much i haven't seen. You won't shock me"
Man : "Well...one of my testicles is bigger than the other."
Doctor : "That's not uncommon. Let's have a look"
Man : " Ok doctor."

Man flops out testicle onto the table and it's the size of a football.

Doctor : "Wow that is big. I've never seen anything like it!"
Man : "You haven't seen the big one yet."

So the other one's even bigger? How does he fit them in his trousers? And surely the doctor would have noticed something that big to start with?

Yeah, fucking jokes not making sense, it's not funny unless it's factually accurate.

It's not funny.

Due to factual inaccuracies.

^^^ that more than a gig though (LMAO anyway though

you. out of the pool.

tru bluud ya herd?

Doctor doctor, my penis is one inch long and one inch wide. And it's been swollen up like that for a week.

I am glad that the Queen is feeling better

Apparently she has had an anus horribilis

Why does the queen have a horrible anus?
Because camilla parks her bowls there.

To mark to the passing of Hugo Chavez Ive decided to mark his passing by getting his initials engraved on my bath taps..

^Repped and stolen

I had a lovely date with a woman who works at London Zoo. I think she might be a keeper.

Less than 1 month without a pope and we've already cured HIV.