Jokes / Joke du jour!

I've read it about 5 times and am still giggling

what's the difference between anal sex and regular sex?
regular sex can make your day, anal sex can make your hole weak.

Surprise sex is the best sort of sex to wake up to

unless you are in prison

I just prank called Piers Morgan, pretending to be the queen.

And now we wait...

Dog walkers have complained of a pervert groping their dogs' arses and running away. The police caught and charged him, but he got off with a crap on the wrist.

What does a Scotsman call a magician at a pajama themed sex party in a teepee after a tennis tournament during a Muslim festival involving a Chinese pianist being recorded by Kraftwerk?

A flim flam kling klang Ling Lang jim-jam Ramadan grand slam wigwam gangbang big man.

Is this song In Grease?

Jucintha sadanhas has turned up safe and well. In a phone call to an Australian radio station, she said 'beat that for a wind up!'

Too soon

My new German girlfriend gives me marks out of 10 when we have sex

Last night for example, I shoved it right up her arse and she yelled "9....9.....!"

My best score yet!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qniSKp4oBdE

Did you hear about the hypochondriac camel?

He found a lump.

As my new girlfriend sat at the dinner table talking to my mum, I started rubbing her leg before slowly moving my hand up her skirt and slipping two fingers inside her. At this point she had no choice but to keep the conversation flowing and act like nothing was going on under the table...

...otherwise my girlfriend would've found out.

HA nang, stolen, if you don't mind

haha, amazing

it's funny cos it's your mum.

sckbrn

I guess Ian Watkins would have preferred to write songs in a minor...

The thing that upsets me most about the whole sorry story is that he was called a musician

She "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"
He "Will you be angry, if I tell you the truth?"
She "Of course no."
He "I am fucking your sister."

What did Santa say to the three hookers?

Ho Ho Ho!

Fucking hilarious.

Funniest post in a while. Irritatingly, I don't think I will forget this piece of advertising in a while. Won't do their sales much good, mind. Wonder where they are based...

It said London, I don't think we have any reason to doubt them.

TV weatherman Fred Talbot is predicting some unpleasant showers.

Mainly the ones in prison.

As it's this time of year again, I present, my favourite xmas joke:

Since early this morning the snow has been falling and it's nearly waist high. The temperature is dropping way below freezing and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. The missus has just been sat staring through the kitchen window all day.

If it gets much worse, I may have to let her in.