Jokes / Joke du jour!

I miss page 53.

,

It's still there, snotter.

Thank fuck.

When Earnest Hemmingway approached his publisher with the first draft of "for whom the bell tolls", he had intended to title it "who does the bell toll for", but it didnt have the same ring to it.

this is still the jokes thread right?

Not since good ol' page 53.

My cosmetic surgeon keeps making mistakes. What a massive penis.

There we go.

Can't fail with a nob joke.

Is Sean Connery in The Hobbit? It's just that I've heard he does a great elvish impression.

or a Sean Connery one

I was sent to a child psychlogist when I was a kid. He was crap. But he was only 12.

good news for insomniacs............ only 2 sleeps til christmas

why did the employee get fired from the juice factory?

...he couldn't concentrate.

Just posted a photo of my dynamo bike lights on flickr

^

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

I bought a rocket salad yesterday but it went off before I could eat it.

what is the most common species of owl?

The teat owl

May be too soon, if easily offended don't scroll down.

Whats the difference between a temperature and a practical joke?
Nurses can take a temperature.

Nothing is ever too soon, not up to your usual standard though.

I like it. Stolen and sent on.

Blame the missus! She sent it earlier and thought i'd chuck it on here.