Jokes / Joke du jour!

Vey good.

Just nabbed it. Went down a storm.

Stolen. And credited CP.

Thought it was alright for a quickie actually. William was heard to say.....

I thought that it was government policy to discourage people who don't work from having kids?

First time Daily Mail celebrates a couple living off state benefits irresponsibly having a kid who will also presumably live off benefits?

How is a (admittedly part time) search and rescue helicopter pilot not a job?

Those royal engagements must be terribly taxing too.

How does Moses like his tea?

Hebrews it.

Jew kidding me?

No, Israeli how he likes it.

he he he

^^racist
Now Deborah, Semite prefer coffee

Tried scraping the ice off my windscreen this morning using my Boots reward card... I only managed to get 10% off.

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and 4 cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

Ha!

awesome!

Hear the NHS are bribing nurses to come and work in maternity words offering them ferraris and carbon bicycles...
...anything to avert the midwife crisis

This morning, I woke up yelling "Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit!"

Turns out, I had just been Tolkien in my sleep.

Ha!

There were some good ones on more old jews telling jokes, don't think I can be arsed transcribing them though.

There were some good ones on more old jews telling jokes, don't think I can be arsed transcribing them though.

Yup... love that program. Well worth a watch on iPlayer for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Actual lols whilst sat by myself, I had consumed some whisky though.

I'm absolutely terrified of lifts. In fact, i've been taking steps to avoid them altogether.

Tried scraping the ice off my windscreen this morning using my Boots reward card... I only managed to get 10% off.

Stolen +rpped.

Why did the bank manager go to the Costa Del Sol?

To get Santander.

When I eat too many melons, I get sad and my stomach aches. I went to the doctor she said I was meloncolic.