Jokes / Joke du jour!

omg lol

octupus

OCTUPUS stands for Operationally Clustered Taxonomic Units for Parallel Tagged Ultra Sequencing.

i know, right?! lol!

da fuq?

rofl! lmao!

octupus...wow

which bit is the joke?

sounded funny when told to me, apologies if touched a nerve or caused offence
I'll gladly remove it

I've got a transvestite friend who lives near Manchester. He's got a Wigan address.

Took 3 read throughs, but very good.

Anal bleaching is the best way to get a new ringtone.

My mum laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

^ love it!

A boy wants to impress his very first girlfriend, he figures the best way to do it is to take his girlfriend to prom.

To make the night special, he needs a few things. First, he goes to a suit shop. There are a lot of other boys in line waiting to get a suit. The boy waits in line, and eventually gets his suit.

Next, he goes to a flower shop. There are heaps of other boys waiting in line to get flowers too. The boy waits in line and eventually gets his flowers.

Next, the boy goes to a car dealer that rents out limos. There was a huge line there too. The boy waits very patient in line and eventually gets the limo.

The night of the prom arrived. The boy and his girlfriend danced and had a wonderful time. The girl got thirsty and asked the boy to get her some punch. He went to the serving table and there was no punch-line.

A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is crippling his family.

A horse walks into a bar.
Several people recognise the inherent danger in the situation and immediately leave.

A Scotsman is disappointed that his national team has failed to qualify.
He decides to support England instead.

Ha!

The 'B' in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stands for Benoit B. Mandelbrot

(Told to me by Mick M. McCarthy)

I don't get this. Am I an idiot?

No, just not acquainted about well-known maths theorem.

^ Fractals, how do they work?

http://bit.ly/U7qQBI

I got a new part-time job crushing soft drink cans.

It's soda pressing.

How do zombies start a question?
"I just want to pick your brains..."

As the vegetarian zombie once said...

"Graaaaaaains!"

As the vegetarian zombie once said...

"Graaaaaaains!"

**Nabbed:
**

Reports coming through that Kate Middleton isn't pregnant after all, it's simply an ingrowing heir.