Jokes / Joke du jour!

^^^ LOLogram

I've had it up to here with visual jokes.

What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

Putting the "lol" in "vexilology". Have rep!

Maybe reep:

The other day, I watched a documentary on how blind people navigate their surroundings.
It was touching stuff.

steals

From fake Mitt Romney twitter account: "A black guy, a Mexican, and an unemployed guy walk into a bar. I have no idea what happens next; there's no way I'd ever be in that bar"

What did the ginger make for lunch?

A reservation for one

Does he have the sole?

Titters

I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, "Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a shit driver".

Sports shops are selling Jimmy Savile
memorial tracksuits.

They have an adult sized top but you
have to squeeze into children's bottoms.

(from the t'internet)

Ha.

They've found Jimmy Savile's diary... apparently his last entry was 10 years old.

The BBC has just displayed images of three of the women who Jimmy Saville is alleged to have sexually abused. On screen they showed a current picture of the women, and alongside each was a picture of them from the 1970's. Underneath was the caption : Now, then, now, then, now, then...

Has anyone got any good Jimmy Savile jokes??

Oldie but a goodie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK01f5_aKY4

Not a joke so much but from urban dictionary:

1. Saville Horizon

The point of no return in a long tedious meeting when attendee's brains are no longer capable of rational thought, and all meaningful contributions generate into Jimmy Saville impressions

Like an event horizon, once crossed there is nothing you can do to go back.
dave: i know this meeting's dragging on, but we need to come to a decision.

paul: OK, ok, now then - (preparing to make a salient point)

(gary): now then now then

(jim): jewellery jewellery

paul: no, look I'm serious. Dave, do you...

(sally): ...like the music of Showaddywaddy?

(gary): OK that's it folks, we're over the Saville Horizon. We're not going to get any further - let's come back to this tomorrow

(meeting ends)

my AD

I asked my boss where he wanted me to put a 6metre roll of Bubblewrap the other day.

"Just pop it in the corner over there" he replied

Four fucking hours it took me!

Classic Brucie:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01n7qgp/?t=43m19s

The BBC has just displayed images of three of the women who Jimmy Saville is alleged to have sexually abused. On screen they showed a current picture of the women, and alongside each was a picture of them from the 1970's. Underneath was the caption : Now, then, now, then, now, then...

...also Wools in the Gifs thread. Lozzels.

Just pulled my keyboard tray out, and a startled ant ran INTO my keyboard! It's ok though, I've got it under CTRL

I lold.

i thought i saw shaggy today,,,but it wasn't him

Will the Jimmy Savile accusations ever to end, the latest reports suggest Jeremy Beadle had a small hand in it!

I've heard that Rod Hull was seen fisting a young bird.

What did the cockney say to the sad viking?

'why the long boat?'