Jokes / Joke du jour!

Ha

Current projects >>>>>

Just asked a Middle Eastern couple to settle up in the style of a television stylist. Billed Two Kurds With Wan's Tone.

How many Hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's a number,but you won't have heard of it.

In the same vein...

How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.

Another ree but that seems to be the way the hipster jokes are going:

Why did the hipster burn his mouth.

Because he ate pizza. Before it was cool.

I have those jokes on vinyl.

^ good put down, like that

Im not saying your mums ugly....
But when a rapist jumped out of the bushes on her last night, he asked her if they could just be friends

Following a Sting operation, police have apprehended the unlicensed plastic surgeon who makes people look like Gordon Sumner.

Worst bukkake party ever. I invited 50 guys and none of them came.

Bloke wants to do yoga and gets in contact with a local teacher.

She asks: "Have you done yoga before, how flexible are you?"

He replies: "I can't do Tuesday"

Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Labyrinth, come in.

After the hit and run incident in Cardiff, the local community are said to be 'rallying around'...

I think they should watch their driving, considering what's happened...

That isn't funny, not even remotely. You could do yourself a favour and delete it.

I disagree. It is funny. Sincere sympathies if you found it offensive.

It's reasonably amusing. What happened isn't remotely funny but that doesn't mean you shouldn't make jokes about it, you'd end up deleting a quarter of this thread if you couldn't make jokes about bad things

yeah i've definately seen worse
just unread it if it offends

I'm gonna stick my neck out for gallows humour

I also think it's pretty funny.

The guy's obviously following in Tom Jones' footsteps and ain't no one hit wonder.

I can't wait till I get the chance to make a joke here at your expense after reading a rider down thread about you

Definitely meant as a compliment. I'm good at compliments. I once told a girlfriend if she was a dog, she'd win crufts.

If it's funnier than my attempt I look forward to it.

what do Audley Harrison and Madonna have in common?

They've both been done in the ring

^fart in a lift

I don't know what the issue is with the whole Jimmy Savile thing.
He was certainly nice enough after he fixed it for me to milk a goat blindfold.

The Japanese are now building robot dentists.
They're a lot smaller than the real thing, but are built to scale.