Jokes / Joke du jour!

Dyslexic sadomasochists of the world untie!

I met a dolphin last night. We ended up chatting for 5 hours!

We just clicked

If I could rep, brother, I would.

Those first two are as old as the hills, BGA.
Last one not bad.

Lost two toes off my right foot in an accident at work last year, a section of metal decking came loose and crushed them to bits, I'm still on crutches but I'm getting around ok now. In a way the worst thing was my wife left me which came as a total shock. In tears I pleaded with her and asked why she would abandon me at such a difficult time. She said sorry but I'm lacktoes intolerant.

^ I read two whole lines for that payout?

Pfft.

^ I read two whole lines for that payout?

Pfft.

I will admit that I had to stifle a laugh.

Those first two are as old as the hills, BGA.
Last one not bad.

I know. It must have been the split infinitive the first that was the most disappointing. Try this.

3 intransitives walked into a bar. They ate, they drank, they sat.

I'll get my coat.

Just don't ask me for the paralipsis gags.

I read that as 3 transvestites. It wasn't funnier that way either.

Thankfully I'm in good company then.... ;-)

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Andele!

oh christ...

in that case,

what do you call two mexican firemen

what do you call and indian cloakroom attendant

etc etc

A guy with a gun enters a bar.

"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.

A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets, mate!"

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

Hehe.

I went to a French restaurant the other day. I had frog's legs.

It was a right bugger getting my trousers on.

wats green and runs round the garden?

a hedge

What's red and hangs from trees?

A Monkeys afterbirth

Lance Armstrong denies actually taking the drugs, he said he was just pedalling.

NEVER send Mr.T a letter by airmail. He refuses to open them.

^ ^^ tru lyfe lols =)...... have 10 internets

I knew Lance didn't have the ball to fight those allegations.

Just heard that Lance Armstrong has been stripped of all his titles. So from now on, the first man on the moon was Buzz Aldrin

From the awesome https://twitter.com/sixthformpoet

My girlfriend just bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.