Jokes / Joke du jour!

How do you make a Soviet gymnast loose balance...?

Russia.

I've recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.

After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, "Use this. You won't look as gay"

The Olympics have completely changed the perception of Britain on the world stage.

Two weeks ago the world thought we were shit at sport but great at music...

so true after that closing ceremony!

The Olympics have completely changed the perception of Britain on the world stage.

Two weeks ago the world thought we were shit at sport but great at music...

steals

need to steal also..

Q. How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?
A. You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle.

But you may proceed.

^ ha ha!

There's an old boy resting on his gate at front of the garden when the village vicar passes.
Vicar says "what a.wonderful job you and the good lord have made of this charming garden!"
Old boy replies "Yes but you should have seen the state of it when the good lord had it on his own"

does not compute

Good lord doesn't shave his pubes

I was in the Gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway, she's now made a formal complaint and I'm barred for life.

"Funniest jokes on this year's Edinburgh Fringe":

• 1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "
     
     
     
     
• 1. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know why."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."
     
     
     
     
• 1. George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"
     
     
     
     
• 1. Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad."
     
     
     
     
• 1. Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."
     

nice

From the BBC

As with last year, I don't find many of them that good. There's definitely better material on this thread! See jambon's joke above for proof.

Though I do like Number 8.

"Funniest jokes on this year's Edinburgh Fringe"

Someone usually does a worst joke of the festival too don't they...?

For a moment I thought it was Stu Francis of Crackerjack making a comeback

Ooh I could jump over a dollhouse.

I met a dolphin last night. We ended up chatting for 5 hours!

We just clicked

Whats green and sings.

Elvis Parsley.

ow do you make a pirate angry?

Take the P out of him

I thought I met Phil Mitchell the other day, then I took my yellow tinted glasses off and realised it was just Mr. Blobby.

I'm a communist. I only drink decaff tea. Proper tea is theft.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.