Jokes / Joke du jour!

When I called her, she was in tears and shrieking. I said "pull yourself together"

I said 'I feel like a pair of curtains' he said 'Take Erythromycin 30mg twice a day, make an appointment to see in me in 2 weeks'

2 weeks later, i was back..!!

He sat me down and asked " Can you feel this?", I said "No". He continues "And this?", i said" Eeerm no!". He says "How about this??", i said "Doctor, i'm not going to touch your cock or your balls...!!!".

I said 'My Wife's going to the West Indies' 'Really?' he said 'Yeah she's going on Tuesday'

He said "Now cough".

Why is there no seed in the parrot shop? Because the parrots ate it all and someone messed up on the ordering. They've now been fired. The parrots are fine for a couple of days on other seed mixes like Red Robin anyway

anti jokes
just don't mix them up with real jokes or they might explode

I went into the pet shop and asked the guy if he had any hamsters going cheep. He told me to fuck off.

A woman goes to the doctors complaining about her partner.
"I just keep thinking he's only with me because I'm gullible and stupid" she sobbed "Could there be something mentally wrong with me?"

"I'm sorry Miss Jones" said the doctor, taking off his glasses. "I'm going to have to take a look at your vagina."

I thought I found a chocolate in my pocket today but it was just lindt.

Whats the most reticent kind of mouse

a nonny mouse.

what kind of bees make milk

boobees.

Breaking open the xmas crackers early?

i thought of those dont be mean

Breaking news, Vidal Sassoon's funeral is going to be on TV.

Not the full thing, only the high lights

hair today gone tomorrow - RIP Vidal

Bond Helicopters - Shaken and Stirred.

(might not travel all that well)

Stop these senseless puns, I'm really cut up about his passing.

I spent the night in a haunted house once and made a run for it when I heard steps coming from upstairs.

I don't know which sick bastard was playing the CD but I didn't hang around to find out.

Bond Helicopters - Shaken and Stirred.

(might not travel all that well)

Was talking to a guy who works in Bdeen training rig staff.
Now I get the joke.
Anyway,
My wifes so fat...etc

Bond Helicopters - Shaken and Stirred.

(might not travel all that well)

Oi! Watch it....my bro works on the rigs

So do I from time to time

from the david thorn website
not a joke but funny stuff

http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html

http://www.27bslash6.com/halogen.html

so many of these humourous things on his website

childish silly and I love it !

Bonnie Tyler was inspired when her boyfriend knocked her terrapin from the fireplace. It was a turtle he clipped off the hearth.