Jokes / Joke du jour!

Ha!

I remember the first time I landed myself in jail I spent that first night getting relentlessly bummed in the shower.

Sometimes my dad takes Monopoly far too seriously.

A sexy blonde girl walks into a bar...

asks the Barman for a "*euphemism"

The barman gives her one...
*

For years I thought my Wife suffered from Tourettes.....but apparently I am a cunt and she really does want me to fuck off......

This is a true story...

Barmaid of our local... was only born with 1 hand.
(and she has a chip on her shoulder)

I was talking bollocks as usual, with my so called friends...

"Hey lets all go to LMNH, and watch Milan San Remo"

except I said the full version...

WAC I am.

tl;dr

whats the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?

your mum can't take a joke!

I worked for the Circus for about 9 years.

I didn't have an act, I was the only one who could get the tent back in the bag.... (Max Miller)

winner!

+1

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

"LET'S RIDE BIKES!"

What's black and white and struggling for air?

A mime artist in a real glass box.

I'm one of those poeple who likes to read whilst having a crap.

Consequently I'm now banned from my local Waterstone's.

pull back and reveal! it's the cornerstone of most gags

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't u screw the pregnant woman.

pull back and reveal! it's the cornerstone of most gags

"...and then I got off the bus. Aaaahhh"

Ah but did you have a wank first!

Imagine Bono.

There you go, ruined your day.

I hate being Bi-polar. Its amazing!

Just bought my bottle of gin and its gone up to £22 but don't worry I'm still going to party like its £19.99

Craid David is joining the UK Olympics Archery Team.

He's going to be their bow selector.

He he, nice!

ive just been diagnosed with sausagephobia....................i fear the wurst

My girlfriend said to me 'oh I can't go out I look like a right gypsy' And I thought '17 years old, big tits and dressed like a slut.....sounds alright to me'

excellent page, good work people.

A lesbian said this to me today:

"I like my men like I like my coffee...

...nowhere near my vagina."

Lies. Even lezzers secretly want a man near their vagina

ha!