Jokes / Joke du jour!

What's blue and sits in the corner?

A baby with a bag over it's head.

What's green and sits in the corner?

A baby with a bag over it's head 3 weeks later.

Q: what's blue and fuck grannys?

A: pneumonia

A2: Wayne Rooney, when he played for Everton.
A3: The Tories [/Ben Elton]

knock knock

who's there?

Big-ish

A pedant walks into a bar. Well, it's a restaurant with a bar. Technically it's a brewpub since it has an onsite microbrewery

love it

Big-ish

big-ish who?

A pedant walks into a bar. Well, it's a restaurant with a bar. Technically it's a brewpub since it has an onsite microbrewery

You stole that from my twitter ya cheeky get!

big-ish who?

No thanks, haven't got any change mate.

You stole that from my twitter ya cheeky get!

Shaggy - It Wasn't Me - YouTube

knock knock

who's there?

Europe

No, you're a poo.

^ and ^^

http://www.lfgss.com/post2153131-1511.html

woodpecker goes into a bar and asks
is the bartender here?

how many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
what, you dont know?

"After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back"

Bin liners.. What a waste of money.

'So, whats your opinion on wind turbines then?' 'Big Fan.'

woodpecker goes into a bar and asks
is the bartender here?

ha

Every football club has a certain craze.. Man City do the poznan, Leeds wave scarfs above their heads and Exeter fans dress as plastic red seats.

I never let my children watch symphonies or big bands on the T.V.

Way too much Sax and Violins

Just got a x-mas tree The assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
I replied "No you sick bastard. It's going in the living room!

I interviewed a lad for a job the other day.
"What's your name ?" I asked.
"John...arse, wankstain, SHIT, fuckhead, cuntflaps, bollocks, CUMFUCK !!.....Thompson".
"Oh my.. do you suffer from Tourettes ?" I asked.
"No absolutely not"
"But the vicar who christened me did".

Why do farts smell ?

So deaf people can enjoy them too.

In the men's room -

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall
saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in a restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that?
At that point I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can
when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.
I say "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"