Jokes / Joke du jour!

Today I hitched a ride with a musician, but he would only take mi so fa

^ you are Julie Andrews running away from some nazis aicmfp

When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me.

After a while, my mum said, "Just use a fucking spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."

i’m glad we finally got gaddafi for ordering the killing Doc Brown in 1985

What do Libya and a freshly cracked nut have in common?

They both just lost a kernel

Walked into ny local pub the other day got jeered and called a paedo.
I'm 50 and my gf is 21 so I expect funny looks but that total ruined our 10th anniversary.

'I'll do the f*cking dishes!!!

Brilliant! Just cried from laughing.

My local Indian takeaway have started making local deliveries on bicycles...

They're fitted with paneer racks!

..I'll get my coat.

sometimes when I need to fart I think of my wind as a lawyer approaching the bench, and my asshole is a judge that allows him to speak.

i think this should be here rather than the meme's thread

My mum used to work down the abbatoir, stunning cows

some of the sheep weren't bad looking either

My girlfriend said she's leaving me because my jokes don't make sense.

Now that's what I call music!

What do we want?
A cure for tourettes!

When do we want it?
Cunt!

^ Bravo Brave!

here's a question....

you're an idiot

Considering your username I'd say that was pretty ironic.

Studies show that one in ten of us lives next door to a Paedo...

Not me, my next-door-neighbour is a 14 year old girl with cracking tits!

Congrats CB.. You made a joke out of a Twitter hashtag..

What do we want?
A cure for tourettes!

When do we want it?
Cunt!

Congrats Brave.. You made a joke out of a t-shirt...

^ :)

Revenge is a dish best served 4 weeks late.

ha!

Hug?

Dear Jim,

Please can you fix it for me to be an undertaker?

Irish Archaeologists have discovered the gravestone of potentially the oldest man to have ever have lived - 197!

His name? "Miles, from Dublin".

This is a fairly old one but still raised a chuckle:

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Fucking hell! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London"

.