Jokes / Joke du jour!

ha

damn

People keep telling me that all these jokes about Jobs death are in poor taste.

I think it’s what he would have wanted. Do you really think he would have wanted his passing to be a PC affair?

Most of these JJobs jokes need work but this one really made me grin.

A woman taking golf lessons just started her 1st round but was stung by a bee!
She raced to the clubhouse and her golf pro asked why she was back so early.

She told him of the sting.
"Where did it sting you?"
She said,
"Between the 1st & 2nd hole."
He nodded and said,
"Then your feet are too far apart.."

actual lol

Paul McCartney is already already upset with his new wife. She's spending twice as much on shoes as the last one

So that Red Hartebees that took the High School mountain biker out..

Buck Norris

Congrats CB.. You made a joke out of a Twitter hashtag..

Congrats CB.. You made a joke out of a Twitter hashtag..

#sickburn

i tink you iz mocking me!!! Remember, i come from the land of Buck!

(too be honest, as i have no idea what a twitter hashtag is, i think im ok with it...)

you'd fall off before that Buck got anywhere near you mate

Still, it'd be the closest he gets to a buck all year.

Love is when you swap your wife's tampon for a party popper when she's asleep

one for G.

A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.

I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.

I think that's your best yet D. LOLZ

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here," said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom..
'She's got a great body,' he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still, Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...
Suddenly the father shouted....

'I'll do the f*cking dishes!!!

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here," said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

cerebral, innit?

cerebral, innit?

True, but I like scientific jokes. Try this:

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

I'll get my coat...

^like the 'classic' binary joke

There are 10 types of people who understand binary

Those who do understand binary and those who don't.

Was drinking a Belgian beer last night, got halfway through and thought "Is this it?!"

Mid-leffe-crisis...

I know, pour joke, I'll get my coat

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here," said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

Gotta love the irony!

Gotta love the ion-y!

I'll get my coat... again

http://hfr-rehost.net/http://imagik.fr/uploads/461514

A bit late, but still:

Wayne Rooney is set to miss the whole of England's Euro 2012 campaign after being handed a 3 game ban.