Jokes / Joke du jour!

I seem to be a grumpy fucker on this thread. To make amends, here is my brother's favourite joke:

How do you eat a potato?
You don't.

Christ.... where did he get that joke?... the toilet store?

ha ha Nice reference there.... nice

Yeah Mashton you miserable old git, get back to Mr Tumble and see the world through happy eyes

How does Batman's mother call him in for tea?

She doesn't. She was murdered.

(from twitter) repost?

I took the shell off a snail the other day to see if it would go faster. All it did was look more sluggish.

two great ones.

lols

I was chatting to a fat girl in the pub last night and I said to her, "Wow, you're a big girl!"

She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

I said, "Salad tastes nice."

I remember one day when I was a kid, my dad sat me down, brought the laptop in and said, "Son, I think it's time to talk to you about pornography."

"What about it?" I replied.

"How the hell can I get past the filters without your mum knowing?"

Oh Mick.

This one is terrible even by my standards, but it does need to be shared...

The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat.

lol dog

actual lol

^^ hehehe

i posted this on FB yesterday.. the thread has run and run,
three smallest books in the world..

italian book of heroes
french book of manners
belgian book of diplomacy

al-qaeda autopilot manual..

i posted this on FB yesterday.. the thread has run and run,
three smallest books in the world..

italian book of heroes
french book of manners
belgian book of diplomacy

Racist but true ^

American book of dieting
Korean book of vegetarianism
Australian book of style

I heard this great joke on sims...

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](http://petitexmort.tumblr.com/post/10486832406)
Ba harmy putar?
GLARCH!

Our local primary school has just been turned into an academy, and the project was sponsered by IKEA.
Assemblies now take longer.

I'll get me coat...

What do you call a girl with two cunts?

NDubz.

seeing this page has degenerated into very poor tastes. i will post this.

What's the best part of sex with a transvestite?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

On that note:

On holiday in Thailand, I had a close call and almost ended up shagging a ladyboy. She looked like a woman and spoke like a woman, I didn't suspect a thing. But then I realised something was wrong when she drove us safely back to the hotel and parked the car in one manoeuvre.

And a new favourite of mine:

Toad and Frog are walking down the street. All of a sudden Toad's balls fall off and start to roll away. So Frog picks them up and says, "Here, do you want your balls toad?"

Toad looks at Frog, "You want your fucking arse kicked?"

A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", the doctor observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He looks to the second mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He looks to the third mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says, "Come on, Richard, we're leaving!"

Don't get it...

Give it time.

Pisti - what's short for Richard?