Jokes / Joke du jour!

Not a joke, but made me smile:

Roses are Red,
Nuts are brown,
Skirts go Up, Pants go Down,
Body to Body,
Skin to Skin,
When it is Stiff,
Stick it In,
The Longer its In,
The stronger it Gets,
It goes in Dry,
Comes out Wet,
It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag,
Its not what you Think...

...its a Teabag!

I saw an advert for a television for £1, but the volume is stuck on 4.

I thought, I can't turn that down.

Have you heard about the new treatment doctors are prescribing depressed lesbians?

It's called Tryadicagain.

Not funny.

Did you make it up, you homophobic loser?

I agree that it's an old joke, and not laugh out loud hilarious, but telling a joke like that does not make you a homophobe. I tell sexist (anti-female and anti-female, where does that leave me?), racist, anti-Irish jokes, anti-religion jokes, ageist jokes, all sorts of discriminatory jokes. But, that is not a relfection on what I think of each of those groups. And anyone who beleives that it is, is pretty narrow-minded. They just happen to be funny jokes. Get over it.

Did you hear about the gay magician?

He disappeared with a poof.

Anal sex is a lot like my first car.

I didn't really want it, but my uncle gave it to me anyway.

Yes, but Mick, your jokes are funny.

And I'd like to meet your uncle.

Anal sex is a lot like my first car.

I didn't really want it, but my uncle gave it to me anyway.

Ha!!

I agree that it's an old joke, and not laugh out loud hilarious, but telling a joke like that does not make you a homophobe. I tell sexist (anti-female and anti-female, where does that leave me?), racist, anti-Irish jokes, anti-religion jokes, ageist jokes, all sorts of discriminatory jokes. But, that is not a relfection on what I think of each of those groups. And anyone who beleives that it is, is pretty narrow-minded. They just happen to be funny jokes. Get over it.

that and there is the age old argument of everything is open in comedy, otherwise when you ban one thing you have to ban everything.

and everything is a lot

I was arested last night playing chess in the street,

it becuase i'm black isn't it?

I was arested last night playing chess in the street,

it becuase i'm black isn't it?

Your watching Milton Jones aren't you ? :D

that and there is the age old argument of everything is open in comedy, otherwise when you ban one thing you have to ban everything.

and everything is a lot

"You can't have everything..........where would you put it?" Steven Wright

Not funny.

Did you make it up, you homophobic loser?

i didn't write it, i just recite it. don't shoot the messenger maaaaaaaan.

its just jokes baby, and fyi i HATE GAYS!

that was a joke again.

Your watching Milton Jones aren't you ? :D

i was!
was the only one that made me laugh though

"You can't have everything..........where would you put it?" Steven Wright

Shed

I heard lesbian twins even lick alike

My wife is finally losing weight thanks to a slimming club.

If she goes near the fridge, I hit her with it. * *

How do you know if an engineer is an extrovert?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

Why did the boy fall off the swing?

Because I threw a toaster at him.

I tried impressing a girl by showing her my stamp collection.

She said philately would get me nowhere.

Ancient annnnnncient pearroast

no, don't think it has been posted here before but pearroast has been used before

http://www.lfgss.com/post1639426-7267.html

Jus sayin...

Pretty sure my dad told me that one back in the mid eighties, thats all

/probably funnier for him... being a philatelist...

Calrsberg don't do Alzheimer's, just exceedingly good cakes!

Quality!

Milton jones had one that tickled me the other day

Cats are funny, some people love them some hate them, take the pope for example, he hates cats, I read the other day he is a cat-o-holic

Surely he loves them then? Like an alcoholic?