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^^^You need to take a joke better, it's funny :)
its not, anal stretching is no laughing matter, it has been the reason that many of my relationships broke up.
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great. crap joke, and you managed to squeeze a bit of antisemitism in, too. well done.
If it's any consolation when I tell it live my Jewish accent seems to slide in to a South African one :D
try this one then
It so happens that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'
Joe thinking that she was talking Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. about his boat, said, 'Hell no in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle. '
The old lady fainted...... -
If it's any consolation when I tell it live my Jewish accent seems to slide in to a South African one :D
try this one then
It so happens that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'
Joe thinking that she was talking Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. about his boat, said, 'Hell no in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle. '
The old lady fainted......What are the voices in your head telling you to do now?
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Ace!
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Wayne Rooney's new haircut was the rsult of a misunderstanding. Playboy
magazine told Colleen they'd give her a million pound if she shaved her tw@t ! -
hah, velcro, what a rip off!
i bought a boomerang from a ghost once...
...bet that'll come back to haunt me.
jade goodie's been diagnosed with cancer, she said she worries the chemo making her lose her hair and ruin her good looks..
good to see she hasn't lost her sense of humour.
so i started a new job working with some jehovas witnesses, one guy came up to me and said 'are you a witness then'?
na mate, i didn't see anything!
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Five tell-tale signs that you might be a member of the Taliban:
- You have more wives than you have teeth.
- You own a £5000 rocket launcher but can't afford a pair of shoes.
- You refine heroin yet have moral objections to beer.
- You think that vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
- You wipe your arse with your bare hand yet consider bacon unclean.
- You have more wives than you have teeth.
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Racist
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Talibanist
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A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Newbury races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said "you must be in year four
"No, madam" he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15" -
one for hippy:
After working for years, a prostitute finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age.
She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer.
After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.
When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, 'I thought you had never been with a woman.'He replied, 'That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!
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A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast.
I know you'll forgive me.
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221. -
ha, very good!
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shoot.
chris_crash
turnpedal
Platini
freddo
Fixedwheelnut
deleted
BRM
Fat_Pants
dogsballs
StandardPractice
mattmadegood
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Posted by
@Pistanator
^^^You need to take a joke better, it's funny :)