Jokes / Joke du jour!

^ Ha!

Just wrote this - fairly crap

How did DJ Jazzy Jeff find his dog in the snow? Fresh prints

left it a few minutes but,...silence.
my job interview:-

Fresh Prince got bored of his rapping/acting career and took back his birth name a got a new career.

He decided that from now on he will smith.

they are getting worse...

(English speakers please tell me does this work?)

Q: What's wrong with new songs by LL Cool J?
A: Theyre all the James Smith

what's the last thing a drummer says before he leaves a band?

"c'mon guys, lets play one of my songs!"

(English speakers please tell me does this work?)

Q: What's wrong with new songs by LL Cool J?
A: Theyre all the James Smith

er, no sorry.

So what if I can't spell armigedon...

It's not the end of the world..

^ Ha!

Just wrote this - fairly crap

How did DJ Jazzy Jeff find his dog in the snow? Fresh prints

no you didn't! That's old schoooooooolll!

Well unless I have heard it before and buried it subconsciously, I wrote it. I mean it's pretty obvious, so I won't be the first to have thought of it

slight variation http://www.sickipedia.org/subcategory/view/17/1/?sortcolumn=score&direction=desc

but nonetheless i think your subconscious is playing naughty tricks on you

more than likely, wouldn't be the first time

My girlfriend asked for a Kindle for Xmas. No idea how you're supposed to read books with some chocolate and a plastic tractor, but if that's what she wants.....

^ Ha!

Just wrote this - fairly crap

How did DJ Jazzy Jeff find his dog in the snow? Fresh prints

Theres no way you can claim that as your own.

does anyone have links to that automatic xmas cracker joke generator ?
you type in two words and it forulates a joke for you ?

Theres no way you can claim that as your own.

see above, I already said that I didn't, just that it came to me in that format

Called in sick today

Boss asked how sick I was.

I told him him I was in bed with my sister.

Love that, reminds me of this one:

I phoned my boss and asked him what's the difference between work and his daughter. When he said he didn't know. I told him i'm not coming into work today

just got off the phone to Eightball,
after 45 mins talking about how we are spending too much time on the forum he said
" right gotta go"
I said "whys that"
"gotta go and check the forum."

oh lifes post post post modern adventures eh

^ What’s the difference between a post-modernist and a mafia boss? A mafia boss makes you an offer you can’t refuse. A post-modernist makes you an offer you can’t understand......

we could do with a few foucaults on here

Foucault's full of shit. Most interesting things about him were his turtle-neck sweaters and appetite for LSD.

This is not a joke.

As a child I saw Santa kissing Mummy under the cameltoe. Worst. Christmas. Ever

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.

In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.

After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, “Do you want them mounted?”

Blushing, she said, “No. holding hands will be fine.”

Foucault's full of shit. Most interesting things about him were his turtle-neck sweaters and appetite for LSD.

This is not a joke.

lol... But a serious frown as well