Your best responses during a road rage

Having gone a while without incident, I got an angry beeping from some twat the other night despite having a reflective bag, two rear and one front light, and riding pretty conservatively with plenty of room to pass.

As normally I just shouted the first four letter word that popped into my head.

I now smile, wave and say, "Look at all the fucks I give"

"Look where you're fucking going you cunt" is my standard.

or if they are with child

"are you proud of yourself?"

I remember a driver screaming that i had "just made him drive dangerously up the wrong side of the road to over take me".

I will use my power wisely.

Careful, your kids nearly lost their real dad.

Funny, but 98% of drivers wouldn't get it.

My usual unthinking response to a red faced anger man is...

"are you fucking joking?"

Mainly because it does genuinely perplex me.

"I say good sir, I appear to have stained your lovely colour-coded bumper bar with my blood, here's my handkerchief. I'm afraid you'll have to wipe it away yourself as I'm about to expire. Jolly good!"

smile, blow them a kiss, cheeky wink.

or

"who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

'You fucking big wheeled bastard'.

A chav on a 29er cut me up.

My wife tells me that the best insult to come out of a small woman's mouth in a road rage incident is "dirty cocksucker".
Never seen it deployed but she swears by it.

Going back a few years I had a bit of an argument with a taxi driver, and just as I thought we were sorted, he kinda casually asked me, “So where are you from anyway, I mean it must be quite frustrating not knowing your heritage, considering your mum’s a whore..."

Admittedly I didn’t like it at the time, but over the years I’ve grown to appreciate the impact of a calmly delivered subtle insult, and consequently used it myself at many occasions.

and the fact he slipped in an extra you're

I really try so supress anger since I saw a bloke pull out a telescopic truncheon and chase after another motorist. The thought of a cyclist facing that is horrible.

If its a branded company van/lorry I just point at the number plate and hold an imaginary phone to my ear. (Not that I ever remember the plate in the heat of the moment).

I usually slap em this

www.ipayroadtax.com

Carlton Reid, who created ipayroadtax.com, is speaking at the LCC in Hackney's Annual Meeting this Wednesday:

https://www.lfgss.com/thread114631.html

"And the fact he slipped in an extra you're."

craftybutcher is Oliver Schick AICMFP.

No, your mum's a 'you're'.

Two default responses...

Driver (male) with children in back; "What kind of arsehole puts his own children at risk, eh?"

Driver (male) with passenger (female, addressed to); "Would you like to go for a drink? You friend here is angry, and I think you'll have a more satifying time with me" This only works if you ignore the fella COMPLETELY, and maintain eye contact with the woman.

A fella once got out to start on me once because of this tactic. Enraged...

I really try so supress anger since I saw a bloke pull out a telescopic truncheon and chase after another motorist. The thought of a cyclist facing that is horrible.

Want.

Time for a "What are you carrying?" thread... :

Just a pretty childish FUCK OFF YOU CUNT!

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Cattle-Prod-prodder-Animal-Coaxer-CAT-45B-KAWE-/280904624552?pt=AU_Business_Industrial_Farming_Agriculture_Farming_Agriculture_Equipment&hash=item41673869a8

"Just a pretty childish FUCK OFF YOU CUNT!"

You'd get further with "FUCK OFF YOU CUNT" and a telescopic truncheon...

I just say "shagged yer ma!" then sprint off into the sunset

Don't you need sun for that to happen?

You'd get further with "FUCK OFF YOU CUNT" and a telescopic truncheon...

Might get one of those cattle prods above.