Your best responses during a road rage

I always thought if you are following a car, the car brakes and you hit the car its your fault? As you must of been following too closely to allow for safe stopping.

It's a bit different when you get deliberately brake checked though.

Not legally speaking it's not.

My father investigates road accidents for a living. Has been an expert witness in literally hundreds of RTC cases.

He has instilled in me that if you hit the vehicle in front, it's your fault.

An unexpected sudden brake can occur for a variety of reasons, not all of them malicious. E.g. - emergency stops, mechanical failure, medical emergency.

Yes, in this instance the intentional manner of the braking would have allowed you to push for a dangerous driving charge but the point remains that if if you hit it then you were unable to stop in a safe distance. Foolhardy and, from a legal POV, an avenue to a lessening of responsibility on the part of the driver.

In other, unrelated news, I love drafting flat backed MPVs and things. #mdangerashton

Not a road rage incident but....

At a lunch with a client and some colleagues, lots of jovial discussion (deliberately at my expense) about how all cyclists RLJ, how riding in groups is really annoying, how all cyclists ride on the pavement and kill children etc.

I casually say: "Of course, I blame your lot for murdering Princess Diana"

Cue stunned silence and then a lot of laughter. I mean I don't think the point about massive generalisations got across but I've been waiting to use that line for about a year after reading it on here.

^ ha!

A local forum person once posted "You never read about a cyclist causing a pile-up and killing 8 people, do you???" which I didn't think was so bad either. But the Diana one is great :)

No it's not.

I imagine the only exception is if someone pulls around you and immediately brakes as you can't account for that behaviour.

I agree with that.

Mine would be

I understand how liability in that situation works thank you. I was referring to deliberately aggressive driving.

Not my best but the other night:

"Why are you so angry"
"Duh! Because you drove you fucking car into me!"

Unlike most other drivers this one didn't complain about my language, which I always find amusing, like I'm supposed to put up an R-rating for foul language after they've driven into me. Then again, maybe I just didn't hear her because I'd drowned out everything she was saying with "look where you're going you stupid fucking cunt" until she backed down.

Just had a guy turn right across my bows forcing me to slam the brakes on. I yelled at him so he stopped half way across the road and had a go at me for texting while cycling (I wasn't) But he had obviously assumed that tapping the screen on my garmin meant he had to turn across me. So he saw me, saw I was doing something and deliberately cut across me, then had the cheek to abuse me. My response wasn't pretty. It did end up with him losing the plot and throwing a roll of labels out of the cab at me. I think he needs to stick them on his parcels. They are in a bin miles away.

I usually respond to road rage incidents by driving away.

I really don't understand why cunts don't like being called cunts?

No one wants to argue with me when I'm in the car. Strange.

Then again, no one seems to want to occupy the same space and time as my car whereas when I'm on the bike, well that's the space they want to be in.

if you don't like the way i drive, stay off the pavement.

You're wasted in UX, Bumper stickers is where you'd shine most.

After an embarassing incident last night I documented elsewhere, I thought (fantasised) of an excellent way I would like to berate errant drivers in the future, which I will never do as it would be far too complicated.

I pull up in front of their car and pull out a large, hardback book with large, embossed text on the cover clearly titled "Book Of Cunts". For a few seconds I intensely flick through the pages with a determined expression until I find a page and change my expression to that of suprise. I then fix eye contact with the driver and turn the book around to reveal it's contents, a page containing in a very large font that fills up the entire page, the single word "YOU".

I then nod sagely, return the book to my bag and ride off.

On a club run recently I asked someone “do you always drive like a cunt”

“Are you calling me a cunt?”

“No just asking if you drive like one”

Cue explosion of utter rage

That's actually subtle for you isn't it?

This is one of those things that sounds amazing in your head but would be toe-curlingly awkward to attempt in person.

Then he punched their children and kicked the bonnet

"Do you always type like a .... "

etc etc

No. It's just the way people read me.

Then he kicked the bonnet

Rip in peice DJ