For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

Best poo story i ever read.

Ace, and should be made a sticky.

^^^^ anyone own up to shitting dreams? no paper, endless poo, loo won't flush etc ?
maybe a symbol of not being able to let go of the crap ( or crap bike ) in your life?....

Worst I've done is nipped into the pub beside the train station to pinch one off before heading home (would far rather have shat in my own loo but I was never going to last).

What I thought would be a small log was actually the plug holding in what must have been about 7 or 8lbs of steaming chocolate iceberg. It was well above the waterline when I'd finished.

I did an initial wipe but it was clear much more was needed but I was worried about blocking the bog so I flushed. The water rose. And continued rising. My turd pile was going nowhere. I pulled my trews up as fast as I could over my still shitty arse and legged it out the pub as sewerage started to flood out of the bathrooms.

have to close this now, facial muscles hurt from containing laughter.

best thread ever

I once did a big poo

We'll get on to animal defecation next.

I'll try and find my one about the elephant in Sri Lanka.

From October 2011:

Years ago I went on holiday with the ex-missus to Sri Lanka. We stayed in this hotel that was inhabited with mainly Russians, Germans and a Welsh couple. The ex made a beeline for them presuming that they were the only English speaking people that we'd encounter. In fact they were the only Welsh people who couldn't. Everytime he ordered a drink the hotel staff brought him a spittoon.

Anyway after breakfast one morning I noticed that a "working elephant" had turned up with his keeper to move something from around the pool area. So, based on what I'd seen in town the previous day, I shot outside and bought a dozen pineapples and went back and fed them to the elephant. Having fed the elephant and collected the ex, we went for a relaxing morning by the infinity pool - her to roast and me enjoying the swim-to bar.

We watched this huge (I mean massive - working elephants are gigantic), powerful elephant make light work of the tasks and it was duly rewarded with Sri-Lankan donuts. When they tried to lead it away, it refused to move. Ten minutes of ear-tugging and instructions later, the keepers retired to a safe distance before the elephant did the biggest turd I have ever seen emerge from an animal. I reckon it could've filled a bath tub - one of those efforts that two people can comfortably lay in. The bath tub, not the turd.

The keepers then proceeded to stand around and scratch their heads presumably wondering what to do. From what I understand according to the barman, they usually always took the elephant to the forests near the beach for him to perform his abloutions. The hotel manager appeared and went crackers because someone had complained about the aroma. I couldn't see what the fuss was about - it was only vegetation, but it was spoiling the view of the sea and even in the particularly hot weather it was still steaming.

In the end, despite the efforts of the keepers to get the elephant to move it (I mean, who willingly touches their own shit?) they managed to roll this behemoth on to a piece of tarpaulin where they then towed it away with the hotel golf caddy car.

I think it may well have been my fault. They'd only given the elephant in town one small pineapple and I'd given this beast twelve whoppers. I'm not too sure if they had the fucker stuffed, but when anyone mentions elephants it always reminds me of that.

Best poo story i ever read.

I almost shit myself laughing at this.

I've just read this through to the end and have been rolling on the floor laughing more than once. Thanks a lot, best thread on this forum so far.

pmsl This is hilarious

From October 2011:

Very repped!

Speaking of shite

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/231017681695?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649

£180, 1 hr to go. Seems about right.

Seems about right indeed.

What did he want for it? A monkey?

The saucy cunt!

I wonder if a Foffa has ever appeared in the stolen bikes thread?

7 pages of shit slinging.

Loved it.

Ha. £320, I'm sure there was absolutely no shilling involved. None whatsoever. Legit. Srs.

LFGSS tax is obviously still very high though. Saucy cunt indeed.

So he didn't get near his £550 he wanted...

Is he/she/it still here?

No but i'm about to hobble off for a massive shit if that helps.

I look like a penguin carrying its egg on its feet.

Fucking Alpen.

I "read a magazine" about an hour ago. And to those who know the industry I work in, it was like the "September Issue" Vogue. With a supplement.

Just dropped the kids off at the pool. Nice 'plonk' as they dived in to the smooth cool waters, and I could walk away unburdened and free to meet the challenges of the day.
Whatever they are exactly.

^ Giving Dani some new branding ideas