For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

^possibly did.

I was drunk a lot back then, and not too fussy.

Did you just disintegrate the person in front of you with laser eyes, leaving nothing but their boots? Was it because their hair was 2 inches longer and a touch curlier?

No.

Those were her boots.

After she took that photo I took her upstairs and bummed her.

Pirates of the Caribbean meets Laurence Llwelyn Bowen.

No.

Those were her boots.

After she took that photo I took her upstairs and bummed her.
Was she in a cabin boy outfit?

Laurence Llwelyn Bowen meets Laurence Llwelyn Bowen.

Ftfy.

Laurence Llwelyn Bowen bums Laurence Llwelyn Bowen.

Ftfy.

ftftfy

No wonder people hate cyclists. Look at us!

Fuck that - look at me! I look ace in those pants!

You look like a recently-exhumed Jim Morrison.

I think your velvet trousers are proper minging.

Bet you dug The Mission.

You pastey cunt.

Sorry I meant to say 'off of your puce platter.' Moment's passed and all that. Ho hum.

Funny you say that but I've come to conclusion that a lot of cyclists are frustrated atheists that are simulating Catholic rituals of self-flagellation and penitence...

Aside from that I could do much worse in regards to unsexy language when speaking of the seafood salver, spunk silo or pork truncheon: no bishopry required. The very worst I've heard came from a female colleague from Kircaldy who spoke of her 'foaming gash'. Shudder.

May be the ex-believer in atheists. I can speak out of experience as an ex-prod. Gone now, enough pleasure cures you.

Foaming Gash...images of a split rock in the sea with foam bobbing around it. Then, Soduku (The Ring) showing up. Pain. Darkness.

General Lucifer hair reminds me of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody era. Not sure if helps though.

It's like what you would get if Russell Brand were to fuck Ross Noble and manage to procreate.

I'm older than both of them.

Basically, I'm The Daddy.

throws up and then follows through

Luci, despite how we may mock now, back in the 80s that look would get you a guaranteed* shag in the Derby Rockhouse.

*If you were not that fussy and didn't mind if the girl could pummel you to a bloody pulp for falling asleep as soon as you won the race leaving her gasping but ultimately a few feet short of the finish line.

^This.

Back in those days I was a full on shagmonster.

My hair was filled with the scent of expensive cigars, cheap women and Frizzease.

I think this is the right place for this:

Just remembered a good one - was at a typical student house party and heard a scream, then someone quickly shuffling down the stairs and slamming the front door, with people shouting and laughing behind them from upstairs. Didn't seem that unusual tbh, it was a pretty rowdy party. A few minutes later I went upstairs for a piss, noticing there were shitty hand prints up the staircase walls and all along the bannister, and was disappointed to find the bathroom was locked with someone loudly crying inside. The landing absolutely stank of shit, and I still needed a piss, so I didn't have much sympathy for the histrionics on the other side of the door, until I worked out what had happened. To my left I could see into a dark room - this was unusual, the door had been locked all night - the girl whose room that was thought parties were for idiots, didn't even want a party, and went for an early night. I could see a bed heavily spattered with wet runny shit, and a shitty duvet on the floor. It was like a murder, if blood was brown. Turns out someone had gotten into her room, climbed into bed with her and passed out, and she was quite a heavy sleeper. Classic.

That reminds me of a party I was at when I was 16, some fools parents went away for 2 weeks... I wasn't involved in the incident in question as I was in the garden smoking and totally failing to get together with a girl who I had spent the last two years and would spent the following two year obsessing about to the point of stalking. Anyway, I heard the crash some screaming, doors being slammed and saw a lot of people crowding in the doors trying to see what had happened.

Basically a friend of mine who wasn't a particularly petite lady (she was the only girl in our school rugby team and she was a prop! Not fat, but tall and strong, like a character in a Robert crumb cartoon) was enjoying the company of a guy who I didn't know, but I'm informed he was also not of slight build. Her tastes were always for men taller and stronger than her, which pretty much ruled out 90% of men.

Their combined weight was too much for the toilet they were jumping up and down on which basically shattered, throwing sharp bits of porcelain everywhere, cutting the poor lad as he was underneath and he slid across the large tiled bathroom (I neglected to mention this was in a rather nice posh house in Wimbledon, I've had flats that were smaller than this bathroom)... To add insult to injury, the toilet had not been flushed so not only did his clothes and back get cut by bits of ceramic, he was covered in someone else's pissy and shitty water.

That's it, except to say that they actually got together again four years later after Uni and I heard they are now married!

To add insult to injury, the toilet had not been flushed so not only did his clothes and back get cut by bits of ceramic, he was covered in someone else's pissy and shitty water.

Wh... why wouldn't you flush first?

This all reminds me of the time I was going out with a lovely young woman around 7 years ago. We had recently started seeing each other and were at a house party where I must have been spiked or something. It's the only possible reason; I'm a teacher, FFS, I would never do that sort of thing.
I ended up totally hammered on K3tamine forcing my girlfriend to wait in the bathroom while I used the facilities as I was scared I might go into a K-hole and not be able to unlock the door.
What followed was the most horrific, explosive, eye wateringly smelly diarrhoea session. She just sat there (with her back turned), like a right trooper.
After a while there was some furious knocking at the door as it was the only bathroom in the house and I suspect people thought we were shagging in there; fuck knows what they thought when they opened the door and smelt/saw/tasted what awaited them.

Now now ladies and gentlemen,my views of FOFFA and his BSO'S are well known in this
forum.But i feel a great deal of sympathy for the original poster of this thread.The question we should all ask ourselves is to what degree of stupid cunt would you have to be to buy two FOFFA BSO'S.I feel we owe the OP a sincere apology,because i was taught not to mock the afflicted

what was this thread about again?

Oh, yes-shite. Repeat episodes of shite.