Liar's Wednesday

Shaved ones are called Gibb.

Bearded ones are called Barry.

Named so for the hairy welsh island, and the phrase "I like the cut of your Gibb", meaning, literally, "I like the way you have trimmed your beard in the style of the welsh island gibbons".

The Funky Gibbons are a James Brown tribute act starring a retired group of circus gibbons, based in Erith

Pigeons have a curfew unless their uncle is present or there is a shoe discount at Clark's.

I'm going to harvest festival this morning.

I intend to harvest a few kidneys and possibly a couple of lungs.

Most people under 5'3" only have one kidney.

A bumblebee's stripes are just pollen and dew, they are actually black. If one of their legs is weighted with a small piece of lead, they will decorate themselves with small anchor motifs instead.

I'm not pissed.

its not wednesday

I'm not pissed.

blue nun won't give you a hangover and will get you laid.

The Fibre Flare is the best rear light on the market.

The Children's Bumper Funtime Compendium released in 1903 contained a small Ouija board, a junior pipe smoking starter pack and a home trepanning kit.

Fizzy pop, for want a better generic term, obtains its fizz by placing a large number of microscopic organisms that suffer from a extreme level of flatulance, in the vessel.
the reason an open container loses its fizz is due oxygen being lethal to the creatures after prolonged exposure.

diy trepanning
does life get any better

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM72WsoqVgk"]4Funnies
| The Rubberbandits: Liar Liar Danny Dyer | Channel 4 - YouTube[/ame]

On the 5th Tuesday of any month, you are legally not allowed to wear a hat in public UNLESS you are whistling the national anthem.

Prince William has been killed in a helicopter crash after a late night 'booty call' went disasterously wrong.

Due to a typing error, Operation Yewtree are arresting all contributors to Wikipedia

Diet facts: Gin cancels out cheese.

Does that also work the other way around? If I overdo the G&Ts at lunch will a cheese sandwich rescue me from my boss' wrath in the afternoon.

Oddly enough, tonic cancel's out gin, the quinine counteracts all the alcohol (thats why G&T sometimes just tastes of bad lemonade).

Your're not getting drunk at all, the effects are simply your mind thinking that you should be drunk and compensating.

^^Sadly not, there is a specific property of the quarks present in the atoms of gin that when combined with cheese in your stomach forms a tiny version of the Large Halrdon Collider at CERN. This actually forms a small amount of dark matter that obliterates the cheese thus you get to enjoy the yummy taste of solid, off milk without any of the calorific drawbacks.

Listening to thrash metal for no less than 4 minutes a day increases life expectancy by approximately 25seconds per day (that you listen to it. IE listening to thrash for 5 minutes a day for 1000 days, increases your life by 17.5 days)

cuppa soups are really soup