Any question answered...

Brilliantly detailed.

It's a shame as I've got lots of tools in there and other 'stuff' like loads of timber. I'll maybe see if I can get that out and clean it in a way that won't damage it. It's such a fucking state. Like a rat scat party (I imagine...).

Don't just lie down. Keep moving (within reason). It will get better.

Get a Jack Russell on the case.

Even better, two.

lower a cat on a rope

errr perhaps its just the cats i've owned be (a) catching a cat to tie a rope on and (b) tie a rope on a cat is nigh on impossible. also some cats dont like rats at all.

i have no problems with petrol and match ;)

lower a cat on a rope

Then once they've eaten the cat, fetch the can of petrol and some matches

I'll maybe see if I can get that out and clean it in a way that won't damage it.

Dismantle shed from the outside? At least that way you won't have to touch the insides.

Zyklon B not an option?

You need a flautist

Nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

pifko FTW!

what part of my arse do i measure to know what width saddle I should buy (ie 142 or 152mm)

what part of my arse do i measure

Ischial tuberosities

Does your local council offer a pest control service? If you have rats living there then I’d recommend getting experts in to get rid of the fuckers and that is normally the cheapest way.

Sell any carcasses as artisan smoked citymeat.

the entire site

Lufguss?

of all the f*n days to sneeze twas f**n today.
back to more ibuprofen now, and hoping Ginger can work her magic later.

on a lighter note

whats the preferred topics of discussion when visiting a new barbers after the usual weather, holiday this year bullsh**.....

Spanish political history in the early part of the 16th century.
If that fails, the use of organophosphates in agriculture.

"Spanish political history in the early part of the 16th century."
you see i dont think i got off on the right foot with that, i ended up with a spanish word shaved in the back of my head.

Anyone 'bought' life insurance recently?

Not recently.

I like to discuss the joys of quiet contemplation and how annoyed I get with people who talk incessantly all the time when they have nothing to say.

Actually, I talk about my holidays.

Answer - cut your own hair and avoid black cabs.

and freeze your own sausages ...

Do some people have other people freeze their sausages for them?

Yeah, and I got stung for an extra fiver a month when I was honest in the questionnaire about having taken drugs in the last ten years. Fuckers.