Any question answered...

I'm not actually going to work at Citi, just in the building. I think there's a gym in the building so I guess I'll wait until my 1st day and see what's what.

U should be able to apply for access to parking and showers in the basement.
I'm in another building, and was warned it was a multi-month wait but I managed to get access in a few weeks.

Knocked a bottle of chain oil over and made a plate sized spill on the patio outside. Think I'm boned because it soaked in almost instantly but any tips to lessen the damage?

Permanent wet spot is pretty noticeable

Blame the damp spot on the second cumming of God.

Get more oil and colour the whole paving slab darker, that slab was always darker...

Get more oil and colour the whole patio darker?

Get a new garden. You've ruined this one.

Get more oil and colour the house darker so it doesn't suddenly show that the patio is darker?

Haven't needed it for a while but there is something called Gunk driveway cleaner or somesuch. It worked for me on dirty engine oil so maybe that will do, if it still exists. Just googled and it does.

Around six foxes have made my small back garden into their 4am playtime arena. They've torn up plants, ripped the lagging off my boiler condensation pipe and left loads of rubbish around, including, among chicken boxes and yoghurt pots, loads of dog toys and a huge gnawed at leg of ham. There are no bins nearby for them to bring the rubbish so that's not attracting them, can't think what else is. Neither myself nor my neighbours have dogs either.

If it wasn't for the screaming noises, damage to the house and rubbish strewn everywhere I'd have no issue, but as it stands I want the fuckers gone asasp. I live in a ground floor flat so all this mayhem is happening right outside my bedroom window and once I wake up I always find it hard to get back to sleep again, especially with a pack of arsehole foxes running riot.

Any advice?

Leave out some dead chickens in a neighbours garden? Air rifle?

Has anybody got a wiggle voucher?

Foxes are cunts. I had the same issues as my OAP neighbour used to put food scraps in her garden. This attracted the foxes so much that they moved in and set up home under her shed. Anyway she doesn't feed them or the rats anymore and the issue has pretty much gone. Take away their food, if that is possible and they may go away. Contact the landlord/ council as they might help.

Paging @fox

Lack of other animals does it. You can get "fox repelant spray" which is basically fake animal piss to give the illusion it's another animals patch.

Any advice?

You're fucked, basically. The damage sounds like cubs playing, which would mean there's a den nearby. There's not a huge amount you can do except wait for them to grow up and fuck off, or move house :/

You could try getting onto the council to get them to tell your neighbours to secure their rubbish better, but this is London, my friend, and if the council even bother, they will be ignored. Like Clockwise says, you can buy chemical fox deterrents but by all accounts they're of pretty limited efficacy.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/the_daily_politics/4853388.stm

Any advice?

.22LR seems to be the only UK-legal semi-auto option. Use a suppressor to keep the neighbours happy.

Swap gardens with @macready?

I'm after a value lockring for novatech hub, any pointers?

What is the best method for wirelessly sending any noise my laptop makes to my sound system?

Could be a den under the neighbours shed, they aren't cubs though, they're full size. I bought some of the chemical repellent and also this noise machine that send out a sound 'only foxes can hear' when they set off it's motion sensor.
Have you used any of these yourself?
I read that male urine can help, anyone tried this?
I also moved all the plant pots and garden furniture into what looks like their chill out spot. Hopefully that should throw them until the serious stuff arrives.

Isn't the classic to go and do a shit in your garden to show them who's boss?

you could show them your ceaseless tide of shite memes, they'll soon lose the will to live

#happyttohelp

What's the law on killing a fox in your garden, say with a bow and arrow ?

Hand to hand combat or GTFO.