DAO4 NXM - Cnut of the day

we used to stick potatoes in the exhaust of the spud lorry years ago, as soon as they started it up the spud's would fly out at a furious rate, like a big spud gun.

it was funny then.

Ed, luke I;m glad your ok, glad you got the numbers etc.
heal up!
also BQ- nice mythbusters reference. I give you an A+

Shit folks - that's really nasty. 2 deliberate attacks followed by driving away from the scene.

As you both have witnesses I can't belive the rozzers won't follow this up. Too busy eating donuts while watching the tamils, no doubt.

If you get it right you can kick the valve stem off the wheel- instant tyre deflation, and plausable deniability as this can happen if a car gets too close to the curb.

If you do all four then deniability begins to look a little suspect mind.

If nothing happens with the fuzz or insurance or you just want some good old fashioned revenge that he never saw coming.....

I present the 6 step non incriminating easy revenge plan:

1. Use the V888 thingy and find out where he lives and parks car
   
2. Go out and buy a large bag of whole prawns
   
3. Chuck 'em in the blender and pour into a milk bottle or similar
   
4. Leave milk bottle in the sun or someplace warm for 2 weeks
   
5. go around to said arseholes car in the dead of night
   
6. Neatly pour contents of milk bottle all along the gap between the windscreen and bonnet.
   note: all ventilation into the car is drawn through this area via a network of plenums and pipes into the cars interior & A/C.
   
   
   

He'll be luck if he can even drive the car with all the windows down without spraying his lunch on the steering wheel. He won't be able to sell it either due to the stench.

Rotting flesh works a treat. I used 2 big steaks once to sort out a problem, although uncycling related.

I'm pretty sure attempted assault won't wash - no way of a witness seeing definitively the difference between that and someone just driving into the back of me...

If it's not assault, it's definitely leaving the scene of an accident.

As a word of advice to anyone getting this kind of treatment in th future. If you come off the bike and you have witnesses with a drive off, say you've bumped your head and ask for an ambulance. Any RTA requiring an ambulance should warrant police attendance. Make the lazy sods come to you for the form filling.

where do you think all those broken bicycles go?

blb

If nothing happens with the fuzz or insurance or you just want some good old fashioned revenge that he never saw coming.....

I present the 6 step non incriminating easy revenge plan:

1. Use the V888 thingy and find out where he lives and parks car
   
2. Go out and buy a large bag of whole prawns
   
3. Chuck 'em in the blender and pour into a milk bottle or similar
   
4. Leave milk bottle in the sun or someplace warm for 2 weeks
   
5. go around to said arseholes car in the dead of night
   
6. Neatly pour contents of milk bottle all along the gap between the windscreen and bonnet.
   note: all ventilation into the car is drawn through this area via a network of plenums and pipes into the cars interior & A/C.
   
   
   

He'll be luck if he can even drive the car with all the windows down without spraying his lunch on the steering wheel. He won't be able to sell it either due to the stench.

Rotting flesh works a treat. I used 2 big steaks once to sort out a problem, although uncycling related.

Did that to a cunt landlord when I first moved to London. The day we left we put prawns in all the keyholes so the feel into the doors and in between any nooks and crannies we could find in cupboards/wardrobe fittings

If nothing happens with the fuzz or insurance or you just want some good old fashioned revenge that he never saw coming.....

I present the 6 step non incriminating easy revenge plan:

1. Use the V888 thingy and find out where he lives and parks car
   
2. Go out and buy a large bag of whole prawns
   
3. Chuck 'em in the blender and pour into a milk bottle or similar
   
4. Leave milk bottle in the sun or someplace warm for 2 weeks
   
5. go around to said arseholes car in the dead of night
   
6. Neatly pour contents of milk bottle all along the gap between the windscreen and bonnet.
   note: all ventilation into the car is drawn through this area via a network of plenums and pipes into the cars interior & A/C.
   
   
   

He'll be luck if he can even drive the car with all the windows down without spraying his lunch on the steering wheel. He won't be able to sell it either due to the stench.

Rotting flesh works a treat. I used 2 big steaks once to sort out a problem, although uncycling related.

perfect! ok this has to be done! there is no point facing up to these half wits as they are looking for conflict, you are better off slowly driving them mad (after all they are half way)

If you get it right you can kick the valve stem off the wheel- instant tyre deflation, and plausable deniability as this can happen if a car gets too close to the curb.

If you do all four then deniability begins to look a little suspect mind.

This is awesome! I really need to know how to do this.

If nothing happens with the fuzz or insurance or you just want some good old fashioned revenge that he never saw coming.....

I present the 6 step non incriminating easy revenge plan:

1. Use the V888 thingy and find out where he lives and parks car
   
2. Go out and buy a large bag of whole prawns
   
3. Chuck 'em in the blender and pour into a milk bottle or similar
   
4. Leave milk bottle in the sun or someplace warm for 2 weeks
   
5. go around to said arseholes car in the dead of night
   
6. Neatly pour contents of milk bottle all along the gap between the windscreen and bonnet.
   note: all ventilation into the car is drawn through this area via a network of plenums and pipes into the cars interior & A/C.
   
   
   

He'll be luck if he can even drive the car with all the windows down without spraying his lunch on the steering wheel. He won't be able to sell it either due to the stench.

Rotting flesh works a treat. I used 2 big steaks once to sort out a problem, although uncycling related.

Revenge is dish best served cold, festering and smelly. Fantastic!

If it's not assault, it's definitely leaving the scene of an accident.

As a word of advice to anyone getting this kind of treatment in th future. If you come off the bike and you have witnesses with a drive off, say you've bumped your head and ask for an ambulance. Any RTA requiring an ambulance should warrant police attendance. Make the lazy sods come to you for the form filling.

The problem with that:

• Not a good use of the NHS
  
• another step to make helmets compulsory if it is recorded as a head injury
  
  

But if it is the only way to get a dangerous driver out of the road then yes.

As a general point (and not about drivers who have deliberately tried to hurt you), I don't know about you all but if I get angry at another road user/ped it always leaves me defeated and upset for losing it.

[quote=Dammit;708978]If you get it right you can kick the valve stem off the wheel- instant tyre deflation, and plausable deniability as this can happen if a car gets too close to the curb.[quote]

that is pure genius. strolls out to carpark with hands in pockets whistling to practice

Either way, reporting to the police is a must, since quite a lots of cycling incident go unreported, and TfL (as well as other board) tend to rely on those statistic for future reference.

When I went over someone's bonnet earlier in the year (they were pulling across me, not having seen me, attempting to go the wrong way down a one-way street), the police couldn't have been less interested. In fairness to them, I wasn't injured and the driver gave me her details.

The damage to my bike was minor (torn bar tape), and besides the police said they wouldn't get involved - it was between me and her insurers.

I asked to fill out an incident form but was told that it would simply be a record for me that I had told them - it would not be used for TfL etc etc. So god knows why anybody would bother filling it out.

Sooooo this is all a long-winded way of saying that if you weren't injured and you got the driver's details, then don't bother filling out a form. However if they absconded then the police should deffo be interested.

White audi driver did something similar to me... got annoyed with me riding a few feet from the parked cars, decides to have a go at overtaking and badly misjudges hitting me and pushing me into the kurb... Bike was fine, so was I, except a bit angry so caned it after her (she didn't stop)... know what she looks like and her car...

Funny thing is she takes the same route as me when she drives and after seeing her a couple of times I know what road she lives on and if I bother I just need to go down her road looking for her white audi... was thinking of wiping shit on her car... but the prawns idea is better... think I'll do a combination of both :-)

If he hit the deck.. i'm sure there's a bruise or a scratch, therefore, he's injured.

Report it anyway.

Funny thing is she takes the same route as me when she drives and after seeing her a couple of times I know what road she lives on and if I bother I just need to go down her road looking for her white audi... was thinking of wiping shit on her car... but the prawns idea is better... think I'll do a combination of both :-)

3am
dark clothes
cap pulled down
tin of paint stripper
casually pour over as many panels as possble
ditch tin and walk the long way home

brake fluid is very effective

One Shot loo unblocker will do the paint and the underlying panel (it's something like 90% concentration sulphuric acid). Just sayin'.

Absolutely fucking dreadful behaviour. Actively endangering your life?! You MUST report and take it as far as you can.

Glad you're both alright.

''Dalek'' lol

next time, get your lock (preferably a d lock like the fagedaboutit (sp) and bang it on his bonet or take his wing mirror off.

You should always carry the ceramic from a sparkplug in your pocket, just tip it on a windscreen and it will shatter to bits ;-) YouTube - Crackin a Truck window with a piece of spark plug

FTW

Dalek? i don't get it. i admire your avoidance of cuss words. but Dalek?

keys in right pocket and as you come to a left hander run them down the side and hard left

CCTV is a good idea - will have a look when I cycle past (on my shit old mountain bike) tomorrow morning.

I'm pretty sure attempted assault won't wash - no way of a witness seeing definitively the difference between that and someone just driving into the back of me...

but might pop back to the station and ask for a crime number for the fleeing the scene of the incident - if nothing else, should put the shits up him when I write asking for a big whack to repair my bike...

I am no lawyer, please take this as highly inaccurate in terms of the finer points but probably along the right lines...

First, this is a collision from the rear. Under law, it is entirely the fault of the driver at the back. So you have the right to claim your damages off their insurance. And you should do. That includes damage to your bike, loss of earnings etc. End of.

Don't know whether it's worth going to those no-win-no-fee people, I haven't heard much good to say about them, unless the case is open and shut.

But unfortunately, you haven't got his insurance details, because he drove off. Now he has a bit of time (is it 24hrs) to turn up in a cop shop to report the accident. However, lets assume he won't (probabaly because he didn't have any insurance). So now it's a criminal matter - Failure To Stop After An Accident (give me a while, I'll get you the offence summary for that one). If the police investigate and he has no insurance either, they have him on more than one count, plus whatever else they find when they start poking into things.

You must have the right to be given his insurance details by the police. How you go about it I'm not sure, but I'm sure they'll help.

The police don't prosecute though, they build a case, or not, which if they feel is strong enough, take to the Crown Prosecution Service, who decide whether or not to proceed. Often the police would like to press the charge, but the CPS decline. You, as the victim, have the right to take out a private prosecution at your own expense though. Now, you may not want to go through with it, but as part of starting that process, I believe you can ask for the car drivers name and address. Obviously, you have to sound like you really mean to go through with the prosecution (say you have a cousin who is a top barrister who will handle the case for you) otherwise they might hesitate to hand his details out. There may be a process to follow here - I know that my mother was given the details of the guy who burgled her house (maybe they shouldn't have done that) and she went around and menaced him a bit, saying that it was best she told him to not re-burgle her house, because if her sons came around, they'd be taking him to hospital one shovelful at a time. So I know you can get details like that from the five-0, but it might not be as easy as it was for me mammy. Hopefully you get them and what you do from the point that you get them is your own choice...

Hope all that helps.