Jokes / Joke du jour!

What's the capital of Ireland?

4 Euros.

say what you want about peadophiles, at least they slow down around schools.

What's the capital of Ireland?

4 Euros.

Up to 8 Euros now.

Up to 8 Euros now.

No, wait, 16!

No, wait, 16!

It's Dublin all the time!!!

Brilliant.

Dr: I'm sorry Leslie it's serious you need to go to hospital.
Leslie: A hospital? What is it?
Dr: Terminal.

It's Dublin all the time!!!

Corker!

I made a really great sandwich today, cheese, ham, tomato, a crisp lettuce leaf, garnished with whole grain mustard and coleslaw, all wrapped lovingly in a fresh baguette. Anyway, I left the room, for a few minutes (due to a fairly troublesome shit) and when I came back in it was gone. I was completely beside myself. I checked the fridge, the microwave, desperately trying to think where I could have put it. I had a look in the oven even though I knew I couldn't have put it there. I went back to the bathroom, tears forming in my eyes (though I maintain that it was from the smell I left in there rather than my emotional trauma) to see if I might have taken it up with me. Next I rushed round my housemates' rooms trying to find a potential thief, or failing that, at least getting some help on my search.

After half an hour of looking I came to a stunning realisation... I could easily have made another sandwich in the time I had spent looking for it.

In a completely unrelated matter, I have some advice for Kate and Gerry.

I phoned up my fruit machine manufacturer.
I said, "My fruit machine isn't working".
The lady said, "Can you hold?"
"No, it won't even let me nudge".

Audley to continue his boxing career. It just had to go in this thread.

He boxes? I thought he went into a ring and got hit. A lot.

Since it's started snowing the missus hasn't moved from the window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

Audley to continue his boxing career. It just had to go in this thread.

Leave him alone, he hasn't hurt anyone......

Since it's started snowing the missus hasn't moved from the window.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her in.

Ba-ding tush! Book yer waitress, he's 'ere all week!

Good one.

I am getting flirted with by txt....
told her Im not ready for textual intercourse...

There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned the damn thing to brick
And it ripped all his foreskin away

I made a really great sandwich today, cheese, ham, tomato, a crisp lettuce leaf, garnished with whole grain mustard and coleslaw, all wrapped lovingly in a fresh baguette. Anyway, I left the room, for a few minutes (due to a fairly troublesome shit) and when I came back in it was gone. I was completely beside myself. I checked the fridge, the microwave, desperately trying to think where I could have put it. I had a look in the oven even though I knew I couldn't have put it there. I went back to the bathroom, tears forming in my eyes (though I maintain that it was from the smell I left in there rather than my emotional trauma) to see if I might have taken it up with me. Next I rushed round my housemates' rooms trying to find a potential thief, or failing that, at least getting some help on my search.

After half an hour of looking I came to a stunning realisation... I could easily have made another sandwich in the time I had spent looking for it.

In a completely unrelated matter, I have some advice for the Kate and Gerry McCann.

repost, by you, on this very page?! Are you trying to de-construct the form, or just forgetful?!

A dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender goes to get him a drink, but then realizes how ridiculous this is and wakes up from his dream. He rolls over to tell his wife about it, but she ignores him. He begins to cry silently, realizing his marriage is in shambles.

I'm all about the anti-jokes

^ love it. I like them as well

How do you get down from an Elephant? You can't you can only get down from certain members of the Anatidae genus of birds

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle? Because the lack of any real infrastructure would make a pharmacy economically unviable

etc...

repost, by you, on this very page?! Are you trying to de-construct the form, or just forgetful?!

Balls.

Yes, I am extremely forgetful.

Man in a van pulls up to a playground
waves a 7 year old over

"Hey kid, if you come in my van I will give you a handfull of skittles."

kid says
"Shit, I'll come in your mouth for the whole bag"

The butcher offered me eight legs of veal yesterday for thirty quid. Must admit I had to ask my mate if he thought that was too dear.

The butcher offered me eight legs of veal yesterday for thirty quid. Must admit I had to ask my mate if he thought that was two calves.

Ftfy