Jokes / Joke du jour!

Not a joke though

Nice

Went to check on my 85 year old neighbour, to see if she needed any shopping. She said she did, so I gave her my list. Pointless both of us going.

A man walks into a pub and pounds his fist on the bar shouting "All lawyers are fucking arseholes!!"

"I resent that!" shouts a man at the back of the pub.

"Why?" asks the angry man, "Are you a lawyer?!"

"No! I'm an arsehole!"

Nope

I'm giving away my chimney for free.
You could say it's on the house.

I was just diagnosed with colour blindness.
It came completely out of the purple.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

good grief

That's the original joke inscribed on the Rosetta Stone.

But....did the dog have a nose?

Well I'd not heard it before. And liked it. So there!

It can't, it hasn't got a nose.

An accident involving a Vicks Sinex lorry has been reported

The authorities say that in spite of the size of the accident there is very little congestion in the area

whilst drunk i sent am intimate picture of myself to my whole address book..................... cost me a fortune in stamps

Did you hear about the blind harpoonist that won the Miss Wales competition ?

That's excellent. On a similar note:

I was at the cinema the other day and this kid behind be was just constantly wailing.
I didn't mind too much until he hit me with a harpoon.

Man walks into a bar.

Lucky bastard.

This

Hehehehe. :-)

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Very good

A friend of mine who works in a spanner factory has been furloughed

He has found it a real wrench

This thread just kept a large family zoom party afloat for a good hour or so - cheers everyone!

The Glasgow Nightingale hospital is to be renamed to ICU Jimmy.