Jokes / Joke du jour!

"There's a sale on at Grindr. Just picked up a nice top" Matt Lucas

dont get it

I can’t believe that I’ve already been fired from my job at the diary printers; especially after all those extra days I put in for the holidays.

Thought of the day

What if the Hokey Cokey
really is what it’s all about

Yes mate

In sexual relationships there are tops and bottoms.

My partner always says well fuck me sideways!

I'm confused.

Me: "I get a bit vocal during sex"

Date: "That's ok"

Me, having sex, yelling through a megaphone: "Stop animal testing!"

dont get it

What did the little mermaid wear to math class?

An algae-bra.

Lol

Heheh :)

My bird-watching mate just came into the pub pissed right up and yelling he was never going to watch stupid birds ever again.

He was off his tits.

2 sculptors sat on a train.

Sculptor 1: We're headed for a mountain.
Sculptor 2: Oh no.
Sculptor 1: Don't worry, they've carved a hole in it.
Sculptor 2: That's a relief.
Sculptor 1: Not a relief, they've went all the way through.

Sculpture humour. Niche.

Been annoying my art history freinds with this since the nineties

"While in Florence I found time to visit Ghiberti's Gates of Paradise, which was a relief."

*friends

frendz

nice one

"friends"

“People I met”

"Over the years I have come to regard you as ....people..I met."

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Two aerials got married. The service was bad but the reception was excellent.

Tester-style comment: it should be 'ceremony', as 'service' is a synonym of one of the two meanings of 'reception' used in the joke, albeit usually for mobile phone networks rather than TV or radio.

And it was best when it was a joke about Rod Hull.