Jokes / Joke du jour!

I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.."

And then he disappeared without a tres

In a bar in shoreditch someone tagged 'LFGSS, get a life dorks'

Ironic? Or someone who posted their bike in the wrong thread and tried to defend it afterwards.

Oh no. That's almost as old as the forum itself. We've been lifeless dorks for 10 years since that was done.

You'll be able to learn all about it when the forum book comes out.

You've not got your copy yet?

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I pre-ordered it with a summer cap so they only ship when everything is in stock.

1. jonuxuk 1 copy
   
   

etc...

Am amazed none of the usual suspects have posted this weeks popbitch joke as it’s bike related.

I recently saw a magician who said he was going to turn us all into wind turbines.

I immediately became a huge fan!

"I'm a huge fan" would be a snappier punch line.

Also we had that six months ago already.

..actually we had that eight years ago already.

The heavy metal fan version is by far the best

I agree - yet I got schooled by a good friend of mine (who is both a heavy metal fan and an engineer) that a fan and a turbine are very different things..

Jeff Bezos’ nicknames for his penis:
— fulfilment centre
— Fire stick
— Prime member
— Elastic Beanstalk
— The Man In The High Castle
— “people who enjoyed this product also liked...” [points to balls]
— most criminally overworked employee

I see Ben Affleck has done a TED talk. I was going to make a joke about it, but you shouldn’t mock the Affleck TED.

"England batting line-up" haircut. You'd have nothing up top and the only bits worth talking about would be ginger.

(Stolen from TMS on BBC, courtesy of Ryan from Belfast)

I was listening to a doctor on the radio today, talking about treating cancer in pigs.
He was an oinkologist.

.

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good grief

An angler friend of mine says he has made many online perch-ases and has often used the net.

But he things his e-mail was targeted in a phishing scam

Er tail end of the week
Gags have been fin on the ground recently
Scaling new depths
Gill-ty as charged
For cod's hake
Right that's dophin-ately it from me so it's over to salmon else ...

When I was a kid I'd get home, open the front door and get a plate of spag bol right in the face. I'd go to the bathroom, open the cabinet and get a tuna salad flung straight at me.

I literally didn't know where my next meal was coming from.

My wife gets really annoyed if I mess with her red wine.

I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.