Jokes / Joke du jour!

I just tried that with my 6 year old.
“Huh?”
“A mountaineer is someone who climbs mountains. That’s the joke.”
“Oh.”

Heheh :)

Yeah - it didn't work on my 5yo until we explained it. She now tells it (slightly wrong) to everyone she meets. It was adorable the first 50 times.

Do you know the visual/sound effect gags involving engineers (engineer-ears), motorist (motor-wrist) and terrorist (terror-wrist)? Difficult to describe but I'm sure you could improvise. Hilarious/groan-inducing depending on your audience. :)

My local hairdresser has started serving Sunday lunch. I went yesterday and had roast beef, with all the trimmings.

Do you know the visual/sound effect gags involving engineers (engineer-ears), motorist (motor-wrist) and terrorist (terror-wrist)? Difficult to describe but I'm sure you could improvise. Hilarious/groan-inducing depending on your audience. :)

Add in Viscous Circle (move hand in circle, snarling) and micro-wave (make very small wave with fingers)

micro-wave (make very small wave with fingers)

:`-)

My dog's book of poetry was rejected by the publishers cos none of the bark odes scanned.

Yes, forgot those. My other non-pun based visual gags for entertaining wee ones include pea-on-a-fork, spider with a big head and spider doing press-ups on a mirror.

My grandad was killed by a zulu.

He was taking a shit at Whipsnade and the roof collapsed.

^ liked!

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

You get found dead in your cell.

Oof!

I've just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap.

haha

he he he!!

I've just seen William Archibald Spooner wearing a cat flap.

ftfy

Me: Can I have some money to buy new guitar strings to play in an alternative tuning?
My father: No.
Me: But DAAADD!!!

guitar nerds thread

love it

Hehehe!

me "My owl thinks it's a duck".
Vet "I see. And is this causing any problems?"
Me " Just the incessant wise quacks."

Apparently VIAGRA... wont make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore

Q: why did Jeff Bezos get divorced?
A: he found out marriage counts as a union.

best from the fringe

1. I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”. I think I might have Florets. – Olaf Falafel
   
2. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. – Richard Stott
   
3. What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh. – Milton Jones
   
   

Guardian Today: the headlines, the analysis, the debate - sent direct to you
Read more

1. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows.” – Jake Lambert
   
2. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. – Ross Smith
   
3. Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning. – Ross Smith
   
4. I accidentally booked myself on to an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. – Adele Cliff
   
5. After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. – Richard Pulsford
   
6. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian. – Mark Simmons
   
7. I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts. – Ivo Graham
   

Florets! :)

I just typed into Google: "medieval servant boy missing". All it's come back with is:
Page cannot be found.