Jokes / Joke du jour!

Most big fans of the shows don't get it straight away

I am actually James Van der Beek

I have had that cartoon displayed by my desk for ummmm, five years :D

I was sure that my orthopaedic shoe wouldn't make a difference but I stand corrected

A regular. https://www.lfgss.com/search/?q=stand%20corrected+sort:datea

A running gag.

fixed that for you

Could be, if it was an orthopaedic running shoe. 👟

What goes “Moo, moo, have you got any soup plates?”

A bull in a china shop.

This isn't bloody chicken, this is

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My local tea merchant has just been jailed for drug smuggling. He received five years for cocaine, three years for amphetamine and one for the pot.

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?
Applicant: No, but I do a mean Bohemian Rhapsody after a few drinks.

Furious!

Just been asked by a group of teenagers outside the Co-op if I would get them 20 Richmonds, reluctantly I agreed and got them, handed them over and got a mouthful of abuse! So I told them "Next time get your own flipping sausages."

My gypsy moth model aeroplane crashed into a lighthouse.

Crash and burn

I tried to fly to Paris with BA last week.
He said “I ain’t getting on no plane, fool”

After IT outsourcing problems have occurred in several Welsh NHS bodies, patients requesting medication online can now only request tablets for arterial conditions, and nothing else.
When they access the new mobile app, the only option is "Press statin".

Even for the jokes thread this is a bad page..

+1

Don't worry, I've got this:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

..classic, love it!

: ]

What did Sean Connery say when he played a detective investigating the disappearance of a famous racehorse whilst undercover as a waiter in a high-end restaurant?

"Cloche but no Shergar".

I'll admit it needs work.

I don't know, I think you've done enough on that one. Enjoyed for its painfully obscure and unlikely yet leading set-up.

new page please

I'm writing a new script for a version of 'The Tempest'.
It's just a draught at the moment.