Jokes / Joke du jour!

My girlfriend said she was sick of me acting like I'm a detective and said we should split up

I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way...

nice one

Clothe, it'th actually an itheberg

My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

what do you call an australian good with a bat ?
a vet

telephones rings
hello can i speak to michael clarke please
oh he's just gone out to bat
it's ok i'll hold

just heard on radio 4

I just missed out on winning a music quiz because I couldn't name a Lumineers song.
It would have been nice to get first prize but Ho-Hey!

oof

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's terrible.

Ha

^^ stolen!

My girlfriend left me and told me I have a tiny cock.
Oh well, I never got that into her anyway.

Somewhere a stray just died.

Sorry if its already been posted...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but Ive been tripping all day.

ba

dum

ti

shhhhhh

combo breaker ?

Combo br....

Insoles.

stolen for farcebonk

Be good for pedaling.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can piano a tuna.

What's the glue for? (stolen)

maybe due to the glue it should be a red herring rather than a tuna