Jokes / Joke du jour!

got it

thanks for being my foreva translata

Nope still don't geddit

Chemical symbol for sodium is Na. 16 soduim atoms followed by Batman would be...

NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa NaNa... BATMAN!!

Chemical name for sodium is Na

Sodium has the chemical sign Na.

Is not obv enough, especially to thickies liek me...

Batman is a man dressed as a bat.

Batman is a man dressed as a bat.

Batman's a scientist... he'd get the joke

Holy Periodic Tables Robin!

Sheesh - you lot are clueless.

Sodium is an alkali metal. So is pottasium.

Dietary pottasium is found in bananas.

Bananas are also known as nanas.

Batman's parents were killed when he was a child, leaving him an orphan.

Orphans are often looked after by their grandparents.

A female grandparent is so known "Nana".

Hence, sodium atoms are like Nanas, and when they walk into a bar, it reminds you of Batman.

Adam West.

Sheesh - you lot are clueless.

alkali metal.

Batman.

You called?

https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/t31.0-8/10365558_519481835160_3861957156396616922_o.jpg

That's ironic, because they're at a bus stop.

^ My mate said to me I don't understand irony - which is ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time ?

"Here's my number, so call me maybe" - Amedeo Avogadro

the worst Brazilian since David Blunkett shaved his wife?

The boss hates it when we swap all the wrappers on his chocolate bar stash. It gets his Snickers in a Twix.

^
^^
2nd one is excellent

I accidentally mixed up my Viagra with my hearing aid. Now I've got a hard of hearing on.

https://twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey?original_referer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tickld.com%2Fx%2Fif-50-shades-of-grey-was-written-by-a-man&tw_i=387222238996725760&tw_p=tweetembed

When one door closes, another one opens.

Other than that it's a pretty good car.

This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar." I said, "Is that a fret?"

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

Courtesy of Tim Vine - "funniest joke" at the Edinburgh Fringe

Here's the full list:
The 10 funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival 2014

1. "I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.

2. "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham.

3. "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.

4. "I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s" - Bec Hill.

5. "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina.

6. "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor.

7. "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro.

=8. "I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole" - Kevin Day.

=8. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook.

1. "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward.
   
   

Honourable mentions

• "I go to the kebab shop so much that when they call me boss in there it's less a term of affection, more an economic reality" - Ed Gamble.

• "Leadership looks fun, but it's stressful. Just look at someone leading a conga" - James Acaster.

• "I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved" - Sara Pascoe.