Jokes / Joke du jour!

ha! did I? memory isn't what it used to be

Warhorse walks into a bar
Barman asks: Why the long film?

I had a strange dream last night in which the Queen bestowed a Knighthood on a fish.

Sir Eel

After finding 5 Mars bars, 3 Snickers, a Flake and 2 packets of M&Ms, I'm starting to think that I'm just not cut out to be a Bounty hunter.

The Mrs has got the hump about Valentine's Day, I told her I'd booked a table for us, now she says I should have known she's shit at snooker.

Milton Jones?

After finding 5 Mars bars, 3 Snickers, a Flake and 2 packets of M&Ms, I'm starting to think that I'm just not cut out to be a Bounty hunter.

Must of been a Marathon exercise...

Must have.

After finding 5 Mars bars, 3 Snickers, a Flake and 2 packets of M&Ms, I'm starting to think that I'm just not cut out to be a Bounty hunter.

R&S

The Smelliest Thing - Bruce & Phil - YouTube

There's an innuendo competition taking place next week. I'm thinking of entering my dad.

i like that a lot

On a scale of one to two, I'd give it one.

Is your dad good at innuendo? I'm thinking of entering myself but I might hang around him for a while first, hopefully a little bit of him will rub off on me.

He's excellent.
I'll be right behind him.

Really? What time is he getting there? I'll try and come.

There's an innuendo competition taking place next week. I'm thinking of entering my dad.

repped and stolen. Excellent.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

mediocre

^ True but you have to admit that it would be a bit more funny / surprising if you didnt read it in this thread, expecing a joke.

I know
This eclipses everything now:-

There's an innuendo competition taking place next week. I'm thinking of entering my dad.

^^ yes, but really just a very very little bit more

mediocre

I don't get it?