Jokes / Joke du jour!

..meh.

The only good one is the Mandelbrot one.

maybe you just aren't understanding them properly

this one:

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

and

there are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets

or

There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure

Thanks dicki this will keep me amused for hours :)

i am pretty certain i posted up that first one in here a while ago

It's good having a bad memory, you get to laugh at things more than once.

in that case it's about that time of the year when i drag up

whats the difference between a duck ?
one of it's legs is the same

One of it's legs is both the same.

People often accuse me of being a pedant, which is annoying because I don't think they really know exactly what they mean.

^^^^^^^^^ Awesome

"Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?

The one with the lowest mew."

Still cracking me up:

My friend said I don't understand what irony means

Which is ironic because we were waiting for a bus at the time

I call my grandad "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

ace!

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/50-people-on-the-most-intellectual-joke-i-know/

Class. I admit I didn't get the first one, but I get most of the others.

I'm off to listen to "white and nerdy" now.

this one:

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

There's a Dutch joke (translated here obv.) that goes:

Q: Why do Belgians always have an empty bottle in the fridge?
A: In case they have visitors that don't want anything to drink.

Thank you, i'll get my NULL coat

A man visited a urologist and explained he was having a problem; He was unable to get his manhood erect.

The doctor checked him out then told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk.
The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an Elephants' trunk into his penis.
The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the Elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
To release the pressure he unzipped his fly, and as he did so his knob sprang furiously out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! can you do that again?"

With tears in his eyes he replied, *"I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse." *

Ha!

lol

Imagine the surprise when Madeline McCann walks in to the crime watch office and said "sorry I've just picked up a chicken mayo for 99p"

I applied for a job as a gynaecologist the other day.

Unfortunately I'm not qualified so I didn't get a look in.

ha!

I always wanted to be a gynaecologist because when I got on a bit, I could work part time and look up old friends.

I always wanted to be a gynaecologist because when I got on a bit, I could work part time and keep my hand in.

My mate's a gynaecologist and he decorated his hall through the letterbox.