Jokes / Joke du jour!

Got stung by a wasp yesterday.

A tenner for a CD of the shittest 80s hair metal.

Did you just make this up?

A wasp expert walks into a record shop and asks the assistant, “Do you have ‘European Vespidae accoustics’? Volume 2…it was released this week on vinyl?" “Certainly” replies the assistant, somewhat taken aback. Anxious if this a prank or a mistake, he follows it up with: “Would you like to listen to this before you buy it…?” and offers the expert a pair of headphones. The expert puts the headphones on. A minute later, he calls the assistant back. “I am a expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all! Are you sure this is the correct recording?”. Flustered, the assistant checks the turntable, and relays that it is indeed European Vespidae accoustics (Volume 2) the assistant apologies and lifts the needle onto the next track. Two minutes later and the expert is fuming with rage. storming up to the counter he demands an explanation from the assistant. “This is unforgivable! No European wasp ever made a sound like this. This is false advertising!”. “I am terribly sorry, sir replies the assistant, mortified and motioning for his manager. The Manager arrives and has the expert conveys his concerns regarding the recording. Looking at the turntable, he immediately realises the problem.

“Many apologies sir, it appears we have been playing you the bee side”.

I just got hit on the head by my Sean Connery biography.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

I said to the missus, "Make me happy and sad in one sentence".
She thinks for a minute then replies, "You have a bigger cock than your Brother".

Bloke walks into a pet shop

'Do you sell wasps?'

'Nah mate'

'What about the one in the window?'

A wasp expert walks into a record shop and asks the assistant, “Do you have ‘European Vespidae accoustics’? Volume 2…it was released this week on vinyl?" “Certainly” replies the assistant, somewhat taken aback. Anxious if this a prank or a mistake, he follows it up with: “Would you like to listen to this before you buy it…?” and offers the expert a pair of headphones. The expert puts the headphones on. A minute later, he calls the assistant back. “I am a expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all! Are you sure this is the correct recording?”. Flustered, the assistant checks the turntable, and relays that it is indeed European Vespidae accoustics (Volume 2) the assistant apologies and lifts the needle onto the next track. Two minutes later and the expert is fuming with rage. storming up to the counter he demands an explanation from the assistant. “This is unforgivable! No European wasp ever made a sound like this. This is false advertising!”. “I am terribly sorry, sir replies the assistant, mortified and motioning for his manager. The Manager arrives and has the expert conveys his concerns regarding the recording. Looking at the turntable, he immediately realises the problem.

“Many apologies sir, it appears we have been playing you the bee side”.
tldr

A wasp expert walks into a record shop and asks the assistant, “Do you have ‘European Vespidae accoustics’? Volume 2…it was released this week on vinyl?" “Certainly” replies the assistant, somewhat taken aback. Anxious if this a prank or a mistake, he follows it up with: “Would you like to listen to this before you buy it…?” and offers the expert a pair of headphones. The expert puts the headphones on. A minute later, he calls the assistant back. “I am a expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all! Are you sure this is the correct recording?”. Flustered, the assistant checks the turntable, and relays that it is indeed European Vespidae accoustics (Volume 2) the assistant apologies and lifts the needle onto the next track. Two minutes later and the expert is fuming with rage. storming up to the counter he demands an explanation from the assistant. “This is unforgivable! No European wasp ever made a sound like this. This is false advertising!”. “I am terribly sorry, sir replies the assistant, mortified and motioning for his manager. The Manager arrives and has the expert conveys his concerns regarding the recording. Looking at the turntable, he immediately realises the problem.

“Many apologies sir, it appears we have been playing you the bee side”.

if you had transposed** Vespidae toHymenoptera **it may havebeen funnier. An album of Vespidae wouldn't have a Bee side.

Or maybe not

if you had transposed** Vespidae toHymenoptera **it may havebeen funnier.t

I have now completed your suggested transposition and can assure you that the level of humour did not increase, in fact, it decreased.

Are you beeing serious?

anything with hymen in it is funny....

snicker snicker

If it has a hymen in it, you should probably steer well clear of it.

Are you beeing serious?

Sorry if I came across as a bit waspish.

if you had transposed** Vespidae toHymenoptera **it may havebeen funnier. An album of Vespidae wouldn't have a Bee side.

Or maybe not

Surely if it was Hymenoptera there would be no reason to be irritated that the noises were actually from bees...

Won't someone think of the kittens!

I'll be keeping this one for later.

I'll bee keeping this one for later.

..fixed.

..removed all subtlety.

...fixed.

removed all subeetly

..fixed.

So bee it.

Just say it's an ablum of wasp noises. All this latin is too much, takes the sting out of the joke.

with all this species confusion am surprised no one has taken apis on these puns

Buzz off, you massive queen.

No need to keep droning on about it, honey.

The hive mind has got into a pun rut, I see...

Hive had enough.