Jokes / Joke du jour!

Seems there's joke perfectionism going on.

I am an easy audience though...

Here's a joke from my schoolyard days: (substitute for appropriate country)

Do you know the sign "no overtaking" with the red and black car?
In Belgium they put a sign underneath saying it's valid for other car colours too.

#Drumroll, gets coat, thank you very much

so is the red car the husband, if so why would the wife talk about him in the 3rd person. surely the black car would be the husband because he's the one who was undertaking.

...I don't get it.

as long as he slams the car door on the way out it's all good

Sounds just like a Golf.

^that one gets some rep.

i dont get it

watch more TV and all will become clear

it's simple Iain, there was a famous adultery scandal involving tiger woods, tiger woods plays golf, golf is a make of car, cars are what people drive when they go to commit an adultery, when someone commits adultery it can be described as undertaking the wronged spouse, if the cyclist had a car he wouldn't need to cycle everywhere and his wife wouldn't have the opportunity to sleep around behind his back.

pretty shocked you didn't get that tbh.

it's simple Iain, there was a famous adultery scandal involving tiger woods, tiger woods plays golf, golf is a make of car, cars are what people drive when they go to commit an adultery, when someone commits adultery it can be described as undertaking the wronged spouse, if the cyclist had a car he wouldn't need to cycle everywhere and his wife wouldn't have the opportunity to sleep around behind his back.

I read that in a Kevin Bacon voice...

Mmmmm. Bacon

Mmmmmm. Kevin

who's the king of the hankies?

I don't know, who is the king of the hankies?

Marks and Spencers surely

Hank marvin?

the hankerchief innit

wouldn't that be the king of the hankers?

the hankerchief innit

yup!

I thought it was Atishoo The Hun. #dad

well it snot

who nose?

well it snot

cold man, cold...

Ooh, nasal puns? Sinus up!

My dog's got no nose

How does it smell?

It can't. It didnt have a fucking nose so I drowned it.

these nose jokes are running away

ok... what did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
(another day, another penguin wrapper)