Jokes / Joke du jour!

Heaps of young 'stars' have been tampered with in scandal revealed today, including Micheal Barrymore

who's refusing to press charges

stolen from the popbitch email

don't follow them, I nabbed it from somewhere else.. I don't proclaim to post anything original in this thread. Just seemed the appropriate place

6 words you don't want to hear after sex?

"now then now then now then"

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

I can't marmalade my cock down your throat

As told by Jimmy Carr with the prefix that it's best asked of your wife's father at the breakfast table and the answer is 'you can't marmalade your cock up your wife's arse'

After my wife nuzzled up to me last night saying she wanted to be fucked senseless, I thought to myself 'BINGO!'.

So I went online and played that for a few hours instead.

As told by Jimmy Carr with the prefix that it's best asked of your wife's father at the breakfast table and the answer is 'you can't marmalade your cock up your wife's arse'

pretty sure its a very old joke regardless of Mr Carr's involvement.

Have you heard that JD sports are doing a Jimmy Saville memorial tracksuit... They have an adult size top but you have to squeeze into kids bottoms

^ I posted that 4 weeks ago ;)

and it's still funny now innit.

Your comeback is funnier than the joke though.

I feel you missed something by not replying with.

"howz about that then?"

Funny how the circle red lens glasses that Prada brought back this summer I saw floating around on hipsters have now dramatically disappeared...

is right for certain quarters in the media to use the term
'savile probe'?

I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.

ba-dum.. tisch

if John Lennon didn't die, he'd look a lot like this now

i fink if he had died his hair black he could hsave lookes lyke a bald/old ozzy osborne as well...rock on dudes =)

The Grim Reaper paid me a visit last night but I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner!
'Talk about dyson with death' !

All the toilet seats have been stolen in slough Police Station. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Why Slough Police Station? There are shittier, Reading springs to mind.

Why Slough Police Station? dunno dude =)

So the last week we went to the coast for the day, right, and you'll NEVER guess what happened? Some guy was beating his wife up, right on the sea front! Then, all these people started laughing and cheering, couldn't believe my eyes.. THEN guess what happened? This policeman turns up right, and the guy starts on him too, proper going for it, with a bat, it was unbelieveable.. but you'll never guess what happened next..

A crocodile ran away with the sausages

repped 4 lyfe

wut?