Jokes / Joke du jour!

Anyone heard any decent Amy Winehouse jokes? There's a ton of them out there but all of them (including the ones I posted) are pretty shit by celebrity death joke standards.

Amy Winehouse arrives at the Pearly Gates of Heaven to be met by St Peter & Michael Jackson.
Amy Says "Oh Michael are you here to greet me because I'm a musical genius like yourself that was taken too early from the last life? "

Michael looks to St Peter and says "Who is this long faced junkie and where are all those Norwegian kids you promised me?"

The 2 best ones i've heard were both Michael Jackson related, the one you posted and this:

What do Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson have in common?
A 10 year old crack addiction.

Actually, scratch that, just got sent this one:

I just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, it's last years Christmas tree.
It's the perfect tribute, five and a half foot tall, dead and surrounded by needles.

Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison! All music giants & died age 27. Anyone know when Jedward's birthday is ??

Amy Winehouse bumps in to Lady Diana at the pearly gates.. Amy says to her " why is your halo black.?. Diana reply's " you must still be out of it darling it's a fucking steering wheel..,,,,

Said to my mate that I'd just come back from Poole.
"In Dorset?" he says,
"I can't recommend it highly enough."

hehe

v good Mick

Paddy is down on his luck and looking for work.
He walks up the driveway of a big country house and knocks on the door.
It is answered by Freddie, lord of the manor.

Paddy asks if there are any jobs he can do. He looks so bedraggled that Freddie feels sorry for him. He thinks for a while and then and says "If you go round the back of the house, the Porch needs painting." he disappears for a few moments and comes back with a can of bright green woodstain. "I'm in the study, come back and knock on the front door when you have finished."

Paddy doffs his cap and says "Thank you sir. You can be sure I'll make a good job of it"

About 3 hours later, paddy comes back and knocks on the front door. "All done sir, there is just one thing though, it wasn't a porch, it was a Ferrari."

1. your eyes are the only part of your body you can’t wash is soap

2. you can’t count your hair

3. your tongue doesn’t reach every teeth in your mouth

4. only idiots do number 3

5. you’re gonna laugh because you can reach every teeth in your mouth

6. you’re gonna laugh because you feel like an idiot

7. you’re going to reblog to see how many people fall for this

1. your tongue doesn’t reach every teeth in your mouth

2. only idiots do number 3

Exactly :P
I copied and pasted, the grammar is really bad in that list! Mine isn't perfect, but boy!

The rumour that the Greek government has shut down the production of Tzatsiki and Taramasalata has increased fears of a double dip recession

haha

Wouldn't it reduce fears....?

A man was walking along a country road and overhead there drifted a hot air balloon with a single occupant. The man in the balloon calls down to the man on the ground: "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?"

After a moment of consideration the man on the ground replies: "You are in a balloon, 70 feet above the ground, drifting at 4 miles per hour, in a Southeasterly direction."

The man in the balloon then replied: "You must be a market researcher?"

The man on the ground said: "Why, yes, how did you know?"

To which the man in the balloon answered: "Because, while everything you have told me is absolutely true, it is of no use the me and I am no better off than I was before."

To this, the market researcher responded: "Then you must be a marketing manager. You were lost... didn't know where you were... didn't know where you were going. You asked for my help and I gave it to you, and though you are still lost, now it is my fault."

Mcdonalds have just introduced the Amy Winehouse McValue meal. Just coke and ice.

Dyslexic Muslim extremists have been blamed for Amy Winehouse death, instructions were to attack army & whitehouse.

Looks like her last track won't be made into a song.. Braille experts were too scared to touch Amy's arm.

Q. What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?
A. Jack Daniels comes alive with Coke.

Q. What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson?
A. Clarkson's still doing Top Gear.

They've just announced that Amy Winehouse isn't dead after all.
Apparently, when the police drew a line around her body, she got up and snorted it.

Q. What do you call a Sikh man on one leg?

A. Balan Singh

Works with similar gerunds.

Holy shit Dale i've never seen a bunch of jokes that big where every joke was awesome. Awesome work!

Just seen a stunning, and I mean STUNNING, Thai girl on the tube..

Couldn't take me eyes off her.

Kept repeating to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection..."

But she did..

Just seen a stunning, and I mean STUNNING, Thai girl on the tube..

Couldn't take me eyes off her.

Kept repeating to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection..."

But she did..

http://www.lfgss.com/post1894665-1190.html

I'm jus' sayin'

The rumour that the Greek government has shut down the production of Tzatsiki and Taramasalata has increased fears of a double dip recession

good grief

Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't get any Easter eggs this year, his secretary asked him if he was upset.

He replied

"No, I still love Easter, Baby."

Love it, reminds me of this little gem http://www.lfgss.com/post1375566-603.html

I've just dressed two carp up in suits and taken a photo of them. It was surprisingly easy.
Like shooting fish in apparel.