Jokes / Joke du jour!

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

Because he ate pizza before it was cool.

He also ate calzone, but you wouldn't know about that...

edit:sorry, re-reading that sounded nasty - slightly drunk, not aimed at you scoot.

Norwegian Terrorist Anders Behring Breivik is believed to have carried out the attacks in protest of the high cost of food in Norway,

He should have gone to Iceland

And my last before bed...

Roses are red, violets are blue
I've got Alzheimer's
cheese on toast

I guess I have the dubious honour of posting the first joke here on the subject...

Amy Winehouse goes into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve spirits"

Apparently Alex Higgins & George Best are happy to be getting another Winehouse in Heaven.

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

apparently jade goody is dead??????

mmccarthy, i love your work!

‪How to Drop Ugly Small Pig In A Glass‬‏ - YouTube

just heard at the funeral, Elton John is playing a rendition of Candle under the spoon.

‪how to drop ugly small pig in a glass‬‏ - youtube

hahahaahahahahahaha!

There's norway this week can get amy worse

Anyone heard any decent Amy Winehouse jokes? There's a ton of them out there but all of them (including the ones I posted) are pretty shit by celebrity death joke standards.

Rupert Murdoch said today that he was very touched by all the kind messages left on Amy Winehouse's phone.

I don't really like the Dukes of Hazzard, General Lee speaking.

My wife said "We have to fight to make this marriage work."

It wasn't much of a fight, she went down after one punch.

My next door neighbour confronted me about items missing from her washing line.
I nearly shit her pants

My wife confronted me about being too kinky in the bedroom.

I nearly choked on her shit!

Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.

A guy is out in the country and sees some cows and says to a local
"Oh look! A flock of cows"
"Herd", replies the local.
"Sorry?"
"Herd of cows"
"Of course I've heard of cows!"
"No, a cow herd"
"So what? I have no secrets from a cow"

^ bloomin' marvellous!

I saw a fat guy in Tesco today. He was using the self service checkout when it said "Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Salad.

^ Misogynist.

Let it go

I saw a fat guy in Tesco today. He was using the self service checkout when it said "Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Salad.

Would work as Glasgow also - 'I was in the queue for a self service checkout in Tesco off Sauchiehall Street.....'