Jokes / Joke du jour!

Bee hive you lot..!

Despite hating the evil stinging little fuckers, when I saw one with a broken wing yesterday, I wasp repaired to help.

^ that's the bee's knees

even if he did shoe-hornet in a bit

I'd say it was a keeper.

Nick Jr. Maya the Bee intro - YouTube

What would you rather be? Or a wasp?

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

has this been resolved yet?

Going to view a house with period features tomorrow.

She goes mad when I call her that!

Sounds like my wife is having an affair! ;)

http://www.lfgss.com/post3667788-3443.html

Godammit.

Went to view a house on an Indian reservation, asked the bloke if it comes with running water, he told me to piss off and get my own wife.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

beautiful. repped!

"Good morning Dr Burns" I said, "Have you had a haircut?"

"Oh, yes. I dont like it." sighed Burns.

Paddy goes around to Mick's house, as he steps inside the front room he looks up and says,

"Bejesus Mick! That's a high ceiling you have!"

Mick replies, "It's the wife's idea, she wanted two rooms knocked into one."

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionised.

why don't hipster children do their paper rounds at night?

they did it before it was school.

I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got run over.

fart in a spacesuit

Can't, don't have a space suit.

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to piss off."

Good luck for the job!

the past tense of 'to shoe' is 'shod'

i think he shod himself in the foot