Jokes / Joke du jour!

Quite a throwback to such 80s classics as

• “what do you call a Russian with 3 testicles?”
  

• “Ujunika Bolokov”

• “what do you call a Russian with 1 testicle?”

• “Ivor Bolokov”

A friend of mine went to a covid secure wedding this weekend . They said it was really well organised in terms of bubbles
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Champagne on arrival then another glass with the toasts

A cheese maker friend of mine has just won an award for customer service
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The judges said they'd gone whey beyond the call of duty

Jokes about cheese?
Would never have o-curd to me

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A double glazing sales rep friend of mine is being investigated by the inland revenue
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They've promised complete transparency

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm.

I'm the CIEIO.

hahaha

After a long and drawn out legal process, regarding some holiday luggage going missing, Heathrow have lost the case.

Just heard Uncle Ben is dead

No more Mr Rice guy

Works better as 'After a long and drawn out court battle..'.

A friend of mine has been working in a cocaine processing plant . They're not too happy with the working conditions
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I told them to talk to their line manager

A friend has been unexpectedly been fastrack promoted to a senior position in the Pyrenees Tourist Board.

Guess he has friends in high places.

With the walking that's likely to entail, I hope they have a strong Pyrenees

After a long drawn out legal dispute...

Without looking it up, who do you think is the best at shooting apples? Just off the top of your head?

A friend of mine who works for Iceland told me yesterday that they are having their wages frozen

My favourite joke from 1994.

What famous castle was badly damaged by smoke this year?

Roy.

I think this thread may have started with my all the favourite joke

https://youtu.be/jJN9mBRX3uo

bwahaha

Nice one.

A friend of mine has just returned from a Lepidoptera hunt with Mick Jagger . My friend found loads but Mick came back empty handed. When asked why he had done so badly , Mick replied
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' A rolling stone gathers no moths '

Star date 2121-04. Captain Jean Luc Picard, previously captured by a hyper-intelligent hive mind race on a cube shaped space ship, has escaped his mind probe hook-up and is wandering the craft looking for an escape route. Suddenly he is met face-to-face with a crew member and freezes in fear. Quite unexpectedly the assumed foe greets him with a smile and speaks, his voice, a reassuring whisper tinged with empathetic concern
“Follow me, our lives depend upon it”
Picards gut instinct tells him to strike the other being down from behind and flee. But no, something about the strangers manner leads Picard on.
“Do not be alarmed Jean Luc, we want the same. I too seek sanctuary amongst sentient beings. To have recognition as an individual, free of the constraints of this un-earthly cerebral prison in a land that is free and allows me to express my creative ability.
I can show you the way out and back to the Enterprise, if you would just accept me amongst your peers. Allow me to live amongst you as one and the same”.
“How can I believe you?” Replies Picard
“For I know, this could be a trap and you are leading me back to the control centre and a life of eternal confinement of mind and body.”
“How indeed?” replies the stranger. “After all, I look the same as all the others”
“Give me proof” insists Picard “Proof you really mean what you say. Proof you act in your own interests and would willingly take a persona”
“Oh, I mean it” replies the other “I’m Earnest Borg Nine.”

you have to be of a certain age to appreciate that joke