Jokes / Joke du jour!

Trump has made a last minute comeback - he’s just won the state of denial.

-President Trump, will you concede to Mr. Biden?

-Concede?! I don’t know the meaning of the word!

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high when doing her makeup. She seemed surprised.

A cake making friend of mine has sadly passed away
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We're struggling to gateaux - ver the loss

A cake making friend of mine has hit hard times
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They've been sponge-ing off others to survive

I do d-eclair these jokes are the icing on this thread, a small victory-a

Just went to Dan's Cafe for a bite to eat. There was non-stop George Michael music and loads of George Michael memorabilia. Made me feel uncomfortable.

I'm never going to Dan's again.

I went to see a Welsh Wham tribute band last night
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They ended the show with ' wake me up before you Llanfairpwll-gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob-wllllantysiliogogogoch '

A legal friend of mine has started working in a cocktail bar
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He does a great subpoena colada

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden

The plot thickens

Donald trump walked in to burger king and asked for a couple of whoppers
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The person on the counter replied ' you won the election and by a lot '

love it

William Shakespeare's camping shop is having a sale
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The sign in the window says
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Now is the winter offer
Discount tents

Maybe you should take a pecan help them out?

In the window of the old army surplus store in Victoria many, years ago - Now is the winter of our discount tents. I did lol.

A union leader friend of mine was reading his children a bedtime story
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' once upon a time and a half ....'

How do you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One's an elephant.

😂

A friend of mine who works on the dodgems has just lost their job
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They're suing for funfair dismissal

A gnome friend of mine has just had a covid scare
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They're elf isolating

Funfair dismissal actually made me chuckle.

Love it

The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
 
 
 
 
 
It was a vile inn.

Got to be a "The Cat and Fiddle" / vile inn feline extension to that joke somewhere...

It was a vile inn.

Excellent.

Stolen.