Jokes / Joke du jour!

The Permit to Travel machine at Portslade Station has been defaced which always makes me giggle

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Dork

Toilets in Bristol a sign with

“Please don’t put chewing gum in the urinals”

Under which someone had written

“It makes it taste funny”

Closer to home and sadly now removed but I did love the welcome on the bridge at Clapham North just as you reach the high street....

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It's only cause all the other boroughs were jealous as they're obviously more wankerish

Most of Clapham thought Bansky had visited them and wanted it preserved bless them all....

I once saw a toilet grafitto (what a twat) that read:

"You will suffer humiliation when the sports team from my area defeats the sports team from your area."

It made me smile whilst I strained out a chocolate nougat.

welcome on the bridge at Clapham North

nice

​Yes that's right mashton ....

Croquet is one tough sport ....

We're armed and dangerous.... Come round here again and you will be hammered ( er malleted ?)

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​Oooh did somebody call ?

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What, this cycle tourist of note?

Cunt's even on Strava...

https://www.strava.com/athletes/8925023

Ancient article from The Onion is the source for that. (2001!)

https://local.theonion.com/you-will-suffer-humiliation-when-the-sports-team-from-m-1819583814

Also available as a t-shirt

https://www.zazzle.com/the_sports_team_from_my_area_is_superior_to_the_t_shirt-235403698391574232

Meaningless to most Man U supporters, though.

Fulfil your destiny...

https://www.name.com/domain/search/johnrumpedtheflyinghop

If I had a photo of it I’d buy that and just put the photo up there

Nougat?

Sweet.

Introduced my new girlfriend at parents last weekend, she was wearing big gloves and a green jumper.. mum whispered to me, ‘she’s a keeper’

hahaha

Me: Dear God. Please destroy ICE and Amazon

God: yo I gotchu

Me: Wait! No...

Loved this line by Simon Amstel on feminism and motherhood:

"Do you think Winston Churchill would have got pregnant if there was a 50% chance it could be a Nazi?"

I got stung by a bee yesterday. £12 for a jar of honey!

Ha!

Two PSNI officers were killed last night when their car went off the road outside Belfast and hit a tree. The Real IRA said they planted it.

That joke is decades older than the Real IRA.