Jokes / Joke du jour!

Iambic-oming nervous that we’re due a tiresome pun-fest soon....

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

People who don't enjoy puns should be Bard from this thread.

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff.

The best jokes these days are in the Brexit thread tbh.

This "Brexit" thing is basically trolling on a very large scale.

I like your choice of letters, just not the order you arranged them. Were they shaken not shturred?

Been learning how to guess the weight of dogs. Picked up a few pointers.

Me too. Some of them are mastiff.

You should check out some of the dogs by the pound.

'kennel. These puns are ruff.

These puns are woof.

fixed

fixed

neutered

neuterrier'd

fixed

Where do naughty rainbows go?

Prism.

lol

Wonderful!

Does anyone else remember the days when cosmetic surgery was a taboo subject?

Nowadays, you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

My security cameras finally caught someone adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.

The missus reckons she only slept with two people before she met me.

I wouldn't mind but I was only half an hour late.

Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.
When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it.......never saw her once.
She still hasn't come home yet.
I'm starving! :(

I was once asked for my top ten list of wanking jokes. I grabbed a pencil and wrote down all my favourites, but I realised I had eleven of them.

So I rubbed one out,

Does anyone else remember the days when cosmetic surgery was a taboo subject?

Nowadays, you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

..sad but true, haha!

"Can you think of a word for a tube or trough for protecting electric wiring?"
"A conduit"
"Well at least have a try"

A bed coverings sales person friend of mine has decided to work fewer hours
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They wanted to improve their work / life valance ...